Thursday, October 02, 2008

Never did me any harm

Many of you will have been alarmed, as was I, to read of “initiation ceremonies” carried out at seats of learning in the UK, as reported on the BBC news channels and on their website.

Rituals include roomfuls of young people forced to sit in ‘lecture theatres’ where uneducated, uncommunicative and dull ‘lecturers’ prattle on for upwards of an hour about subjects that are of no interest to anyone, and serve no practical purpose. The lecturers serve no practical purpose either, otherwise they would be doing something useful.

The young people are forced to pay for this humiliation, going into debt to finance this. It can be argued that they may as well go into debt, as they will never be able to afford to buy houses anyway, but these financial hardships often mean that they have little money left for buying essentials, such as drugs and contraceptives.

For three years or more, the brainwashing that they have already been subjected to for 13 years or so at ‘school’ continues. They are told that attending lectures, writing essays on marketing or organic chemistry and passing the examinations at the end of their sentence will, in some way equip them to succeed in later life.

They are not told (and are kept too busy to discover for themselves) that later life consists of being fucked up by callous rich bastards and cocksucking politicians who have no vestige of humanity and care nothing for the planet, its future or its inhabitants.

My good friend Tom has alluded to his escape from such a place of Orwellian indoctrination many years ago. Please take heart from that, and see that he has managed to survive these nigh on forty years without ever fitting in to, or being accepted by, society. I fear, however, that the indoctrination techniques have improved in recent years, and there is little hope of escape for the current inmates.

I have set up a foundation to help these unfortunates. Please send a financial contribution to me now. I guarantee that none of your donations will be squandered on the young, who are far too blinkered to use them wisely, but will, instead, help to aid me in my campaigns against the lickspittles and bastards in the financial institutions and stockmarkets. Or, at least, they might help me to buy my plasma television.


garfer said...

Why should hard working taxpayers like myself be expected to fund the drinking and staying in bed until noon activities of the illterate and educationally subnornal?

Get the little scrotes sweeping chimneys I say.

tom909 said...

Cheque is in the post Vicus.
I am not normally one to support other peoples ideas, but on this one you have my full backing. Education is one of the single biggest cons ever perpetrated on the nobodies of this world, and I am proud to say that never, ever will I give anyone anywhere any respect whatsoever for some poxy qualification that they gained from some self-prolaimed organisation selling their irrelevant shit about fucking bunsen burners striking back - piss off!
So what are you frightened of - well actually you should be frightened - you might turn out like Tony Blair or you might end up chained to a fucking career for 40 years.
FREEDOM and POWER to the people FOREVER!

Geoff said...

I think I'd rather be called a "wuss" than make a prick of myself in front of a bunch of arseholes.

Clubs are for dancing in.

KAZ said...

I must object.
My study of organic chemistry has helped enormously to prevent politicians from sucking my cock to speak.

Geoff said...

Looking at the video on the news tonight it does look like a Chris Morris piss-take.

Dave said...

I never went to university, but my time at Theological College were the happiest years of my life.

I left without a degree.

Vicus Scurra said...

Garfer. You are just a big old softy, aren't you?
Tom. I take it that Cambridge University has rejected your idea for a doctoral thesis on shagging again?
Geoff. Dance on.
Kaz. There is still time, dear.
Dave. Your typing is getting more shoddy - you left without a degree of what?

I, like the view said...

I finished University in profit*

do I win a prize?

(*mind you, I didn't have to pay my fees)

(plasma) televisions are very over-rated - why not spend your money on a nice painting to hang over your mantel piece instead? pleasurable viewing 24/7/365

Dave said...

What happened on the 24th July in 365, ILTV? Did the Romans leave?

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave. Why are you asking us? You were there.

Boz said...

My seat of learning was red brick, so to speak, so we had none of this fancy initiation stuff. We just shagged the lecturers, if we could, to make the term pass quicker.

My English Lit degree has served me well. If only because it took until the second year of the course before one tutor sat me down and said 'You know, you really should learn how to use an apostrophe'.

I've been successfully wooing people with them ever since.

Richard said...

I have to say that I wasn't alarmed whatsoever. The reason being I was listening to popular music on the wireless.

Rol said...

Say 'lickspittles' again. Please. Or write a whole post about them. I have a strange fetish for that word.


I defer to the Mayor Of Simpleton, please be upstanding!

"Never been near a university,
Never took a paper or a learned degree,
And some of your friends think that's stupid of me,
But it's nothing that I care about.

Well I don't know how to tell the weight of the sun,
And of mathematics well I want none,
And I may be the mayor of simpleton,
But I know one thing,
And that's I love you."

Praise be to XTC

Richard said...

Rol, you're showing yourself up.

Kindness said...

After seeing that picture and reading both posts... well... the check in in the mail...

Such sweet love cannot be denied.

realdoc said...

I feel we should introduce initiation ceremonies to the workplace mine included having to drink pints of an alcohol mixture that included malibu, creme de menthe and Baileys mixed with grapefruit juice. Looked like stagnant pond water if you're interested.