Regular readers (come on, you’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you?) will be delighted to discover that my muse, far from having died, has just been on a rather lengthy summer break, and is now back, keen to tackle the major news stories of the day.
So invigorated am I by her return, and also inspired by the wise decision to remake “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy” as a moving picture performance, that I plan to embark on number of projects to improve the intellectual and cultural climate.
There are some stuffed shirts who would opine that to tamper with what they see as perfection in the Alec Guinness portrayal of George Smiley. “Rubbish!” I say, the arts are fuelled by innovation and are constantly improving. Who among you would not prefer to listen to Jedward rather than have to endure the tedium of Bach or Handel? The new “Tinker” adaptation will feature Arnold Schwarzenegger as Smiley, Max Boyce as Control, Vin Diesel as Esterhazy, Roseanne Barr as Ann Smiley and Amitabh Bachchan as Bill Haydon. This is the way le Carré planned it.
I have written to the Pope, offering to freshen up the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel. I understand that magnolia is very much in vogue, and might brighten it up here and there with a strategically placed poster on a religious theme – Cliff, perhaps.
I am working on enhancing the Kreutzer sonata by scoring parts for percussion, bassoon, didgeridoo and voice (I need hardly tell you that I am thinking of Madonna for the first performance).
My update of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner will be in blank verse, (so it won’t be a rime at all), and will follow the more relevant story related by the Mariner (now completely land-based – I am thinking of his telling the tale of his journey from Yeovil to Halifax, avoiding all the motorways) in which he actually rescues endangered species. No albatross will be harmed in my version, oh no!
I may write more about my other current project “Oh, here’s Godot now!” when I have added a little more structure and moulded the characters’ personalities.