I would like to express my thanks to Priyamvada Natarajan and Eric Jull, the latest pair of prize Herberts conspiring to keep me from my bed.
They have distracted me by publishing a study which hypothesises that the universe will expand for ever, and eventually become a cold, dead wasteland. Much like Basingstoke, then, probably with more roundabouts and a slightly larger branch of Tesco.
Before you start to panic, and stampede through the streets wailing and gnashing teeth, I should explain that this latest spurious conglomeration of fanciful brainfart is predicated upon the existence of dark energy. You will recall from previous studies here that dark energy does not exist, and is merely an attempt to explain some inexplicable rather than just calling it God. The piffle also depends on their calculations about how light bends round something called Abell 1689, apparently a massive cluster of galaxies, somewhere east of Aberystwyth.
They predict that the temperature of the universe will approach absolute zero, so I have been out gathering logs and kindling this evening. You are all welcome to drop in and huddle round my fire, but don’t rely upon sharing my body warmth, as I am English and we don’t do that sort of thing.
May I refer you to this somewhat simplified article in Wikipedia for an alternative and somewhat more sensible explanation?
You may think that my perspective is slightly awry in worrying about my bed time in comparison to all of these things, but I need to be alert tomorrow for the Test Match.