Yesterday I received an email that began:
It was a pleasure speaking with you again today. Below is the formula to determine the minimum collateral value before a house call for both Margin and Non-Purpose Loans. The maintenance requirement for equities is 30% for both loan types.
Minimum Collateral Value = Debit Balance / 1 – Maintenance Requirement
Please call me if any additional questions come up.
I didn’t have any questions as such, so I consulted my friends on Facebook, and was able to compile a comprehensive and challenging list. I was therefore able to reply thus:
It sure was cool to speak TO you too, although I have no recollection of it.
There is an expression used in the home of the Empire “I didn’t understand a word of it”. That would not be apposite in this case, as I understood all of the words; it was your neat trick of combining them in such a way as to render them incomprehensible that got me. Well done!
Anyway, I didn’t really have any questions, so I asked my friends on Facebook if they would like to take advantage of your kind offer. Here they are:
Rosemarie asks: WTF? You know people who can decipher that shit? (that one may rhetorical)
Mike: How long before you own all of my assets?
Lynne: If God created the sun on the fourth day, how had four days passed?
Richard: …do you still do that IRS dodge you they used to and who is your contact?
Lynne (again): what is purpose of a non-purpose loan?
Dave: Where did I put my car keys?
FN: Would you rather be a flying horse, a unicorn, or just a regular horse?
Lynne (again, she’s a saucy minx, isn’t she?): Would you rather star in a porn film and have to watch it with your parents or have your parents star in a porn film and have to watch it with your friends?
Richard (again): Red sauce, brown sauce or no sauce at all?
Norma: Mathematically, with no brackets, that formula does not make sense! Why divide anything by 1?
FN: (again): Did you ever practise kissing with one of your sisters' Barbies?
Adam: Guess what?
Over to you
Love and peace.