Friday, May 13, 2011

I got 75% on that

After a day in which I played my part in rejuvenating the economy, I turned on my car radio and was greeted by someone whose voice I did not recognise talking about examinations, of the academic kind. Several times they mention “rigorous exams”. I wondered whether anyone could use that term without reference to judging, or not having the Latin, or even mining. Who, I pondered, could this person be, so lacking in the rudiments of humour?

In my defence, I will claim tiredness, for there is only one person walking the planet so boring and humourless to miss that opportunity. Yes, you are faster than me, it was the idiot Gove. I am convinced that were he still with us, Gandhi would have given this idiot a sound kicking. If Gove lived in India, Jains would form knife wielding gangs and attack him. Members of the Society of Friends are locked in their homes when Gove is in town lest they are tempted to knee him in the groin. Even when he says something with which one might find some common ground the instinct is always to reassess one’s position. Whatever he says, I’m against it.

When the education system first welcomed me to its bosom, the Minister of Education was David Eccles. He held this position on a part time basis, as his other job was in the Goon Show. Eccles later became Minister of Someothershit and is famous for introducing entrance fees to our museums. Tit. I am not sure how much influence he had on me personally during my early years at school, and I don’t harbour any lasting grudges. The old fool is dead now, and I have no desire to seek revenge for whatever early trauma I suffered at King Richard III school, so full of dismal terror was the time.

We have, in this country, a proud tradition of allowing total twats to be in charge of education – I can recall Quinton Hogg, Patrick Gordon Walker, John Patten and Shirley Williams being put in charge. Rivalling Gove for being totally unsuited were Keith Joseph – mothers wouldn’t even let their children look at, let alone speak to him, and of course, everyone’s favourite aunty Mag the Hag. Even among all of these psychos, Gove stands out. I cannot explain why. Fortunately, I do not need to. You only have to listen to him for two minutes. I will not be so cruel to say that looking at him for two seconds would have the same effect, as I pride myself on not judging people by their appearance. Please help me to maintain these minimum standards. Let our views of him be formed by his policies not his face. Even if you would rather have a man dressed as a chicken formulating plans for our schools.


13 comments:

Tim Footman said...

Oh God, John Patten wasn't real, was he? I thought I'd dreamed him.

Dave said...

Richard III was still on the throne when you were at school, I understand.

Annie said...

Hear hear. Michael Gove makes me nostalgic for Ed Balls as clueless no-nothing arsehole in charge of education.

Annie said...

know-nothing *shame*

Vicus Scurra said...

It's OK Tim, he's gone now. You can come out from behind the settee.
Dave. You understand? Excellent. Mundella must have been a far more effective minister than Gove.
Annie. Welcome to the club. I see that you have brought the art of the typo. You will be among friends here.

Richard said...

I notice the chicken appears to be wearing rubber gloves. From where did you procure that picture?

Scarlet Blue said...

...did the picture come from Infomaniac? Are either of these characters wearing anything from the waist down? I think not.
Sx

Liz said...

Hello Vicus,

I have been reading you without comment for ages but a shared loathing of Michael Gove has tempted me to join in.

I hear that he wants to get rid of the GCSE modular exams (which are not used in all subjects anyway) and return to having all exams at the same time. Many students like the modular system but we didn't do things this way when Mr Gove was at public school during the dark ages so therefore the system must need to be changed. Grrrrr.

Z said...

I liked John MacGregor. He went and talked to teachers and governors and asked their opinions.

I've not heard anyone with a good word to say for Michael Gove yet.

Richard said...

Z, I've got several really very wonderful words to say about him.

Christopher said...

I have a hunch that this King Richard III School of which you speak is a clever invention, a mere sportive trick.

I haven't been professionally involved with English education since 1969. I don't seem to have missed much. I don't expect it has either, if the truth were told.

Vicus Scurra said...

Christopher, no trick, no rhyming slang. If the truth were told, it would be unlikely that this blog existed.

MarkG said...

Just passing by to tell you I'm back in blogging form. Or sort of. The site seems to have been in about ten places over the past few weeks, but I think it's settled down now. It's just my 'ead that's spinning.