Monday, September 19, 2011

Is it safe?


Regular readers – (A Mrs Trotsky of North Wales) will have been monitoring updates to this site in order to keep up with news of the revolution.  Keen to be first to read of the overthrow of capitalism, and the establishment of the People’s Republic of the Earth, where men can live as brothers, women can live as sisters, (this may involve relaxation of strictures against incest), there will be a just distribution of the world’s resources so that no-one need die of malnutrition, there will be no shortage of things to laugh at, and marketing will be abolished.

(I had a telephone call from someone the other day who said that I need not worry (I wasn’t worried anyway, so they need not have worried to tell me that), they weren’t selling anything, but just wanted my opinion. This proved to be a lie. When I started to give them my opinion, they rang off.)

I hope that you have all realised by now that I am not a man of violence. I would prefer Mr Murdoch, for example, to realise his mistakes by my reasoned argument about why greed is not good for anyone or the planet on which we live. I would like to see Slimy Dave educated (unlikely, I know, while Wackford Gove is in charge) and work out for himself that constantly overproducing goods which no-one needs does not serve a useful purpose.

My position was further reinforced by my visit to the dentist this morning. It turns out that he did not take kindly to my lambasting the Tory government, I learned, while he was probing my pre-molars (or bashing my bicuspids, if you will), that, in his view, this government was not Tory – they had liberals in the government, that Tony Blair was a socialist, and that – well fill in the rest yourself. During this dental diatribe, I did not contribute much in the way of cogent counterpoint. (I did, at one stage, say “mgffllbt”). My position, I realised, was not so much that of a man of peace, but that of a committed coward. My militancy does not extend to confront armed opponents, whether they be wielding assegais, machine guns or extracting forceps. I left the dental surgery this morning, paid the £17 fee for having to listen to Norman Tebbitt while he ascertained that I didn’t need any treatment, and I didn’t even mention Nye Bevan.

So, here is the revised plan for the revolution:
  1. Tut a bit when you hear Vince Cable on the electric radio.
  2. Get quite cross when someone says “entrepreneur” and means it in a good way.
  3. Call Wackford Gove a pillock
  4. Er …
  5. That’s it.


17 comments:

Dave said...

I think you have persuaded me.

Vicus Scurra said...

Another 6.4 billion and we have won.

Dave said...

A simple majority would probably suffice to carry your view.

Z said...

I think that there's quite a tolerant attitude to same-sex sibling incest, so a proposal to change the rules on that might not prove to be very controversial.

Sadly, I think that there will always be malnutrition. 80 years ago, my mother was persuaded to eat her dinner with the statement that there were hungry children in Africa who would like to eat her semolina pudding. Little chance as there was of it being sent out there then, there's no more now.

I am quite prepared to join your revolution, as long as you don't expect me to chant. I was critical of Gove last Friday, although I called him a twit rather than a pillock, and I tutted at Cable on Today today. I shall make a point of being irritated when Dragon's Den is on, which might be tonight (but I'll have to check as I don't normally watch it). Anything else I can do?

Vicus Scurra said...

Remind me, Z, where do you live?

Rol said...

You need a new dentist.

Pop round here next time you need a check-up: I have pliers, an electric drill, and a 1984 copy of Socialist Worker in the waiting room.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you Rol. I done a lol.

Christopher said...

I think it very unfair and indeed cowardly of your dentist to inflict any views at all on you when you're in no position to reply with more than 'mgffllbt' (which teems with at least as much hidden meaning as 'Basingstoke' - which may be where this encounter took place). I would like to join your revolution and feel I should tell you that as I am about the same height as Z, we could carry the banner in a level, seemly and dignified way. I hope this encourages you.

Vicus Scurra said...

Basingstoke it is! I wonder whether anyone else gets this reference?

MarkG said...

Will dental treatment be free after the revolution? If so, sign me up toot sweet!

Geoff said...

17 quid and no treatment? I would suggest your dentist is a kindly socialist and was teasing you to take your mind off his tooth tinkering.

Vicus Scurra said...

Yes, Mark, of course. I doubt whether my dentist will be keen to work for the people's republic. We may have to send him down the mines. From each according to his irritability.
Geoff. I know. Free at the point of delivery? My molars!

Tim Footman said...

He thinks Tony Blair is a socialist? I'm surprised he had the intellectual wherewithal to know which end to find your teeth.

Vicus Scurra said...

Tim. I thought that the handles on some of the instruments were excessively long.

Ladybird World Mother said...

I'm a Number 4 girl, totally. But will have a go at the others, just for the sake of fellowship.
xx

Pearl said...

That which I have understood I have heartily agreed.

The rest of it I just picture you handing me a beer while saying it, which is how I like to picture a lot of things. Oh, and maybe with some fries.

Pearl

p.s. I've added you to my blogroll, just for fun.

Vicus Scurra said...

Pearl. Thank you. I love you and yearn for you tragically.