Adam Leonard made me do this.

David had never eaten without a knife and fork before. He wondered whether he could hold out until he got back home.

Barack kindly told David that they probably had some cutlery some place, and that he would not be allowed to starve to death.

David was a little perturbed and wondered how far the re-enactment of the war of independence would go.

David had to explain "I assure you that it is my wife, yes, really, and she left her passport on the sideboard. Please let her in - she dresses me every day!"

Eventually, and just in time, Barack told David that that was not really necessary.

"The Aristocrats!"

"And you read every word, exactly as it is written, or you'll be eating with your fingers again tonight"

"There's only two kind of people I can't stand - those who eat when I'm talking to them, and slimy bastards".

"Please! Pull me up, I can't stand another minute with this assclown!"

"Eventually, after listening to the Limey whine for 48 minutes, he succumbed to the arms of Morpheus"

Michelle wondered how far she could shove it up the bitch's ass.

Much as he hated racial stereotypes, Barack had to allow that these folk had absolutely no sense of rhythm.

Finally, a reminder of the happier days, when we could be sure that no matter how embarrassing an upper class tit we sent, the good old US of A could be relied upon to trump it with a crook with no redeeming features.