Sunday, April 21, 2013

Blows against the Empire

I have written to the Daily Telegraph. They never publish my letters, so you will have to read it. 


My dear sir

I was delighted to read recently that you planned to introduce a subscription scheme for your on-line offerings.

I wish you great success in this venture. Please let me know when it will be introduced. 

I have enjoyed your sports coverage over the years, and have taken advantage from time to time of being able to keep abreast of current thinking in the narrow-minded nonagenarian class. 

I have to confess that, of late, I find myself increasingly less able to tolerate not only the content - the latest gibberish emanating from our lamentable government - but also the despicable bias with which you present it.

I frequently find myself regretting starting or ending the day by digesting your miserable outpourings, and you would be doing me the greatest favour by charging me for this service. Even tuppence a week would be sufficient incentive to prevent my viewing your product and thereby risking disturbing my equilibrium.

yours in fondness
love and peace

Scurra

12 comments:

Richard said...

You suggest that your equilibrium would remain undisturbed in the absence of a charge. Quite a few of us have evidence that there would be little change even if they paid you to read it.

Z said...

Is bias always despicable, dear heart?

The Geezers said...

You've now given me ideas for my own letter to the editor of our local terrible newspaper.

Liz said...

I very rarely read newspapers and only occasionally look at their websites. I certainly wouldn't pay to read their output.

Currently I am also boycotting TV news (mainly because the presenters make me want to scream and jump out of the window). My world is a much happier place as a result.

Indigo Roth said...

Ooooh, you need a dose of the Daily Mail matey. Or The Sun. They have tits, too, and they look far nicer than the ones running the country.

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard. That is uncalled for. I am as balanced as the next man.
Z. No, not at all, your coming here despite everyone warning you against it is evidence of that.
Geezers. You are welcome.
Liz. Did you know that Hendrix is dead?
Indigo. Stop being silly.

Pamela said...

Did you actually write that you are as balanced as the next man? Sweetie, have you missed your meds again?

Katy Anders said...

If they don't publish that, they wouldn't deserve your money even at twice the journalistic quality.

Donnnnnnnn said...

I'm willing to make a handsome wager that they think you're just being a naughty, facetious, smartass?

Pwerhaps leaving a flaming paper bag full of dog poo in the lobby would bolster your credibility deficit?

Rol said...

On the other hand, the Grauniad do appear to publish your letters. Unless that was another Scurra commenting on Dan Brown and Dante in this week's review section.

Vicus Scurra said...

Sorry, Rol, not me. I wasn't even aware that Dante and Brown had collaborated on a book - I shan't read it.

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