My good friends, Theodore and Evadne
Google, are in the habit of bringing anniversaries to the attention of visitors
to their splendid website. I believe that they often get several hundred
visitors each day. Well done!
Today (and wtf am I doing up at this hour,
you may query, to which I would riposte “Twatting about on the electric
internet – one would have thought that that was obvious”) they are publicising
the anniversary of the discovery of the Antikythera mechanism, a little
artefact over 2000 years old which some chaps in Greece threw together to
demonstrate the position of the known planets, which they did quite cleverly
considering that they thought that this planet was at the centre of the solar
system, if you know what I mean, I dunno what they called the solar system.
Later versions of these mechanisms were
called orreries, and it is at this point, dear reader, that I lose interest.
God, in his infinite compassion, has visited upon me and many of my relations on
my maternal side, the inability to cope with the letter “R”. Together we would
be compelled to welease Wodewick. A friend once asked how I would say
“library”, to which I replied “very quietly”. I am proud that I have borne this
disability stoically throughout my life. I like to think that I could have made
a decent fist of being the lead singer of the Rolling Stones when they offered
me the job, but people were much less tolerant back then.
These days I am at the vanguard of those
campaigning to end discrimination against those with speech defects; victims
such as the current first lord of the treasury, Twatty Tess, who suffers from
Tourettes to such an extent that the phrase “strong and stable” has to appear
three times in each sentence. I encourage you all to empathise with her by
chanting the refrain “weak and fucking stupid” each time you hear her say it.
Who knows, we may help to pioneer a new medical treatment.
