Regular readers of this page (Do you really think anyone bothers? Ed.) will remember how delighted I was with the Brexit referendum. Overnight we freed ourselves of foreign dabbling in our affairs and reaffirmed our indisputable sovereignty. Hail to the house of Windsor!
There were those whingers who liked to bang on about a failing economy, people
resorting to food banks, soaring costs of food, being ridiculed by the rest of
the world, creating massive divisions in our society, and isolating ourselves
from our neighbours. “So what!” I said, now we can get rid of those nasty plum
coloured passports.
Now, alas, I am forced to admit that I was mistaken. I am
stilling shaking with the decision that has been forced on my friends at
Meridian Foods to discontinue the production of their organic, sugar-free fruit
spreads. As I speed further into my dotage (have you sped into your dotage, missus?)
I will have to do so without what has been a key part of my morning repast
these 30 years. True, I still have my tahini and marmite on my home baked
bread, but they will appear increasingly forlorn without the cheery
accompaniment of morello cherry spread on the other half of the plate. I am not
one to resort to trauma easily, and I took it stoically when they stopped make
their plum spread (avoid the plural, Ed.) some time ago, but now the whole range
has ceased to be.
Farage and his knuckle-dragging friends will get no further
support from me! You can destroy the NHS and take education back to the
Victorian era and I will consider it a fair price to pay for our freedom, but
when you mess with my breakfast you have begun something the conclusion of
which will be very unpleasant for you.
As A A Milne might have put it:
The Twat asked
The Receptionist, and
The Receptionist asked
The Spokesperson,
“Could we have some organic sugar-free wild blueberry spread
for
The moron’s slice of bread” (Toast in this case, Ed.)
The Receptionist asked the Spokesperson,
The Spokesperson
Said “Not likely, mate, we can’t afford it, blame the Tories”.
*
Who’s up for a game of insurrection?
*May have been my interpretation
