Sunday, March 27, 2005

Countdown to the royal wedding - Part 8

Following all the nonsense about C&C not meeting the parents in private, I was happy to attend the beginning of the little private lunch that they had last week.

I saw the twinkle in Liz’s eye, and knew that we were in for some fun, so I joined in by introducing them to each other. “And what do you do?” Liz asked Camilla, in that silly voice that she adopts for meeting the common folk. Poor Philip has lost all sense of irony in his old age, and is often not privy to the subtle undertones. “You silly bugger, it’s that hideous Camelia person, are you bloody blind? And as to what she does or what good she is, we’d all bloody like to know that, I’m sure.” Charles allowed himself a nervous smile, he is still intimidated by Phil, but is unable to exact any revenge, apart from occasionally taking a sneaky pee in the gin decanter.

“Have you come far?” continued Liz. “I should bloody say so,” interjected Phil, “from ‘thicky of the year’ at school to queen-in-waiting is a bloody long way, in my book”. “Watch it, granddad” said Camilla, “you’re a fine one to talk, you could have been running a kebab shop in Dulwich with your brother, if Liz wasn’t so short-sighted.”

I left the happy party to the echoes of Charles’ sobbing.

A few days to go, and still getting bad publicity. I am trying to arrange for them to appear on Ant and Dec’s television programme the following day, in order to introduce a little dignity.

15 comments:

zoe said...

i'm glad to see that camilla and phil are, at least, on speaking terms. you really should tell chaz to stop being such a wimp - he'll never get far, you know.

Mark Gamon said...

Ant and Dec. Marvellous idea. If they happen to pick up a copy of Heat magazine the week before they should have enough knowledge of current affairs to win some prizes. Which would save us the bother of having to send wedding presents...

morphess said...

Ant 'n' Dec...hmmm...I don't know. Do you really think it has the same social cache now that wasshername has left?
I think a spot on celebrity come dancing would be more the go. Cammers could do a twirl with that Lovejoy chap.

broomhilda said...

To show that I harbor no hard feelings, I have decided to send a wedding gift anyway. I have found the perfect thing for Camilla, she need never worry about those reminders of her predecessor on the mugs or china ever again.

http://www.throneout.com/viewstory.asp?STORY_ID=144

Vicus Scurra said...

B, you should have checked with me before lashing out. Charles destroyed all those mugs within a year of the wedding, when he found that Di had defaced them all by giving him pointed ears on all of them.

broomhilda said...

Well at least I haven't mailed it out yet.

Vicus Scurra said...

Now listen. Have you been paying attention to the new, exciting and sexy thread over at Owl Pellets? If so, why use "mail out" instead of "mail"? Tell me that, please.

morphess said...

Owl Pellets? Look, talk amongst yourselves do, but I think the rest of us deserve an explanation.

broomhilda said...

It's a force of habit and now that you mention it, I shall have to pay closer attention to my speach patterns. I thank you Vicus.

Snape said...

Amazing that anyone wants to marry after being together for so many years!

Vicus Scurra said...

Broomhilda! Have you been to Snape's site? She is stealing your boyfriend!
Time to get that potions manual down from the shelf.
Morphess - follow the link to Luton from my front page.

broomhilda said...

Thanks for the heads up, snape won't be a problem for much longer. Bwahahahahah!

Mark Gamon said...

Vicus - your contributions to the forthcoming royal festivities seem to me to be so... well, frankly TOWERING that I beleive you absolutely must be in attendance on the day.

May I suggest a suitable escort? She's very well connected among the good and the great and she has excellent taste in ski-wear. Which may come in handy when you get invited along to next year's 'apres' in recognition of your selfless efforts.

Goes by the name of Melissa. I'm sure I could effect an introduction...

Mark Gamon said...

Damn. A trypo. Why can't we edit these rotten comments?

morphess said...

I've told him Mark, I've told him many times. Selfish git.

I think we need a mass appeal to The Colonel at Fortescue Towers, he'd be the man for the job I'm sure.