An act of love and kindness

I believe that it is incumbent on all of us web diarists to help our fellow writers by constructive and loving criticism. This is particularly true of those younger and less able contributors who would most benefit from our help. Many of my readers (a Mrs Trellis of North Wales) will have visited the site of young Adam, if only to see how computers are being used in the less developed areas of the world, and will have become fond of his witty, erudite and absorbing prose. This week he has been playing with his Meccano.


Hello Adam, you silly tart, here are the suggested corrections to your latest work of mediocrity. Please call upon my services if you wish to graduate from the Governor George Wallace College. I would be only too pleased to help:

Visting relatives
1) Vesting relatives? Some ancient southern ritual which involves removing the undergarments of uncles and aunts without disturbing their outer clothes – people in your part of the world have taken to wearing clothes, haven’t they? But surely that would be ‘devesting’.
2) Misting relatives? Providing a cooling spray, the origin of which is an entirely personal matter, for your grandparents in the long, hot southern summers.
3) Visiting relatives? Unlikely. Were I related to you, I would hesitate to visit until you learned to spell.

See pervious post:
1) While it is not entirely impossible that you have some sort of pole that allows access, it is of little interest and has no meaning in the context in which you have used it.
2) Perverted post? You southerners, honestly.
3) See previous post. Unlikely. Were I a visitor to your site, I would be unlikely to go to another article until you learned to spell.

Fire-breating dinosaur
1) Barbara Bush.

Definetly
1) Folks in the UK definitely have difficulty with that word too, although most of the incorrect versions use ‘definately’. In the wonderful world of the web, you can share your ignorance with others.
2) I would definitely be unlikely to visit your site until you learned to spell.

Toliet
1) I can forgive you this, as such items are a luxury south of the Mason Dixon Line.

Audence
1) Or dense. As in “Adam’s readers are either drunk or dense.”
2) WHAuden. A purveyor of second rate verse, noted for his wrinkled appearance.
3) Audience. Unlikely. I would hesitate to come to see you until you learned to spell.

Talke
1) Talke. A town of great natural beauty, and some fame. Home of the Talke Pits Development Company.
2) Talc. Sure is sweaty down south.
3) Talk. Good idea. Better than writing until you learn to spell.

Cosists
1) Cosines. A mathematical term used in the 5th grade and above in the northern USA, but not in Southern schools who use the term ‘ciphering’ for all complex calculations.
2) Cousins. You sure have plenty of these. Some of them are also your brothers, grandparents, nephews and aunts.
3) Consists. Unlikely. Your prose is not going to display the attributes of consistency or cohesion until you learn to spell.