Tuesday, March 18, 2008

It won't stand up in court

This week’s “Lewis” appeared to be following the path for which I have been campaigning. It began with Lewis and Hathaway getting sweaty together, and Lewis’s opening remark was “Knobs game”, which I took to be some sort of invitation to participate in homo-erotic activity. This was followed by Lewis wincing in pain. I was disappointed. This scene took place on a squash court (not an environment with which I am familiar, so forgive me) and this was as close as the two got for the whole episode. No sly winks, no delicate massaging of extremities, no tongues. Nothing. Indeed, I believe “Knobs game” should have read “Knob’s game” and was indicative of Lewis’s opinion of this sport. At least he has one redeeming feature.

There followed another plunge into the depths of inanity, depths which, if the evidence is anything to go by, are infinite. I believe the series has ended. This prevents us from seeing the next episode in which prince Michael of Kent is bludgeoned to death by a reincarnation of Harry Worth. I am considering taking up the ingestion of narcotics rather than watch any more of this tripe, particularly now the love story has burnt out.

I shall only watch detective movies where there is a love interest between the leading heroes. This means that “Miss Marple” must be put aside, unless she trades in her vibrator for one with considerably more functions. I shall eschew “Dixon of Dock Green”, apart from where Lauderdale gets to use his truncheon. “No Hiding Place” is out, until we get high screen as well as wide screen, and see what is going on in the back of the car below waist level. I shall not be watching “Softly, Softly” again, except for the brief interlude where Charlie Barlow whispers “Who wants shagging next?” and his deputy says “What?”. (Yes, I know you are all too young for this - that is not my fault).

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Softly, Softly also, apart from Watt et al, had a DCL Lewis! Now, DCI Gwyn Lewis was 'on the job' from 1966. I know he later transferred to the Flying Squad managing Jack & George and there's another connection! I suspect that Jack went off and shagged [old] Lewis's wife causing her to produce [young] Lewis. Old Lewis couldn't cope and retired and Jack was sent off to Thames Valley, on promotion but on condition he got [young] Lewis fixed up as a copper. Who would have believed it...?

DCI Gwyn Lewis — Garfield Morgan (1966-1967)

Kindness said...

What about "The Wire" huh? Otherwise I have no idea of which you speak.

I have been off narcotics for more than a week now. This may or may not explain this post.

Kindness said...

I meant this comment... not post... comment... there is no explanation for what I post.

Dave said...

Zed Victor One to BC.

Should there be an ' in want's?

Vicus Scurra said...

Anonymous. I think you may be on to something!
I'm sorry, I'll write that again.
Anonymous. I think you may be on something.
Kindness. "The Wire" is very much like "Lewis". If you strip away the fine acting, the believable story lines, the development of the characters and the wit, then you would hardly notice the difference.
Dave you are quite right and I have made the correction. Or, "it's a fit-up, I never saw it before in my life, you planted it there, you dirty rotten copper". More worryingly, Dave, it was "Z Victor 1 to BD". I have no idea who or what BD was, Butch Dyke? Bolton Doleoffice? Benjamin Disraeli? I don't blame you for the mistake. Were I as old as you, then BC would be on my mind too.

Dave said...

I can't believe I typed C. My brain said D, and that's what I read that I'd typed as well. The drugs and my eyesight must be having more of an effect than I thought.

I was being particularly careful too, as behoves a pedant.

I was also wondering for what BD stood. Perhaps Tom knows.

Dave said...

Ah, my friend Mr Wikipedia tells me that it stands for B Division (B representing Lancaster).


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Z_Cars

I, still, ♥ the views said...

more shagging! what tv stations do you tune into vicus? I never see any shagging on National Geographic or the History Channel. . .

Richard said...

I quite like that new one, I think it's called The Fixer or something. It's one of those where the writer has difficulty disguising his own prejudices and is exacting some kind of thinly veiled cultural revenge on bad men. This week it was very obviously one of the bastards who killed Steven Lawrence getting some summary justice, even down to substituting Eltham for Lewisham. In fact, most of the script seemed to be drawn from the letters page of the South London Mercury over the last 15 years. All highly entertaining.

Dave said...

The Fixer';s the one with two blokes sharing a flat, isn't it?

Straight out of the pages of Lewis.

Richard said...

And I know the chap who played PC Clyde in Dixon of Dock Green. I can't remember him in the series because I was only 2 at the time. It never brought him lasting fame.

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard. Do I have to watch it? I saw the first one and was less than impressed, but as Dave is suggesting that there may be some heavy porn to look forward to, I shall persevere.
I don't remember PC Clyde either.
Who else knows someone less than famous? Who is the most obscure actor that you know?

Dave said...

The chap who delivered my last car is a TV extra. Apparently he has played a taxi driver on a show about a young lady called (if I heard him right) Emma Dale.

Richard said...

Vicus, it does work if you're familiar with South London villainy of the last 20 years and the gratuitous violence is usually done out of shot. As for the porn, there are lots of sympathetic looks between the male leads.

I do believe I recently told you about another obscure TV policeman I used to know. I seem to be more than blessed in this area.

Betty said...

I agree with you. I've not watched any detective series since Softly Softly: Task Force, and that was only because I enjoyed seeing the fizzing sexual chemistry between John Watt and dark, brooding Harry Hawkins.

Donn said...

My Word don't you have Cable TV?

Here in the Colonies we can still watch reruns of episodic televisual feasts such as Columbo, Hawaii Five-O, The Untouchables, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Hill Street Blues, Mannix, and Kojak...ah that Telly Savalas.
"Who loves ya baby!"

They just don't make shows like that anymore.

Dave said...

By the way, I thought the reference to Heather Mills in the title to this post was hillarious.

Vicus Scurra said...

Betty. Thank you for that reminder.

I, still, ♥ the views said...

The Man From UNCLE. . .

I remember him
! (I really fancied David whatever his name was)(weird, cos he was a little like Frasier's bother, who I also quite liked)

what about those people (can't remember the show) one of whom had an umberella (I think he was a man), one of whom was Diana Rigg (I think) and one of whom became an extra in Absolutely Fabulous. . .

and what about Starsky & Hutch? (I was the only person in my class who preferred the blond)

thank you vicus for tapping into a deep well of happy memories

:-)

(and I bet you are really pleased that I've shared them with you)

Donn said...

Hathaway?
Do you mean Miss Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies?
She always wanted to 'get sweaty' with Jethro. I'm glad that she is finally gettin' some.

Betty said...

Completely off-topic, but I've just noticed that my Google searches include one for "Mark Gamon arrested".

So that's why he's disappeared then ...

zoe said...

Don't you watch '24'?

Sorry, I guess that you are too old for that, Vicus, even though I still remember Zed Cars. And Dixon of Dock Green.

Jack Bauer ... sigh.