Thursday, June 02, 2011

Lactose Intolerant

You can tell Andrew Lansley is crap at his job by following this train of logic.
He is the Health Secretary. He makes me fucking sick.

The headline in the online version of the Torygraph (doesn’t even come with a health warning) is “’Reform or die within years’ Andrew Lansley tells NHS”. “Go to hospital and die within days” will be his legacy.

I hope that the Lord, in all his mercy, strikes down dead any Tory who thinks that they are fit to intervene in running what is left of the NHS after the ravages of Thatcher and Blair.  I have already expressed my views about this enough, and like to avoid too much repetition.

Lansley’s only valid contribution to the NHS would be as an organ donor, although he clearly doesn’t have a functioning heart or brain. Perhaps it would be simpler for him to just fuck off.  There you have it, profound and carefully reasoned political analysis. This is what my public desires.

******

The Grauniad, on the other hand, prefers to bring us news that is not quite so new, about our ancient ancestors.

“Study suggests females roamed far and wide on reaching sexual maturity whereas males stayed near their birthplace”

Whereas today, of course, it is the women who sit at home watching football all day while the men like to spend their Saturdays picking up bargains at the shops.

******

The BBC, on the other hand, report on a galaxy similar, according to “astronomers”, to the Milky Way. It is called NGC 6744. That does not seem very friendly. If I wish to add some of its inhabitants as my facebook friends, then I feel that we should, as a minimum, give their galaxy a more descriptive name. Not that “Milky Way” is very appealing – I wouldn’t want that in my address. After all, they have named some dwarf galaxy “Magellanic Clouds”. Not that I can be much bothered – I haven’t even given my house a name. So, sod it, NGC 6744 it is.

22 comments:

Miss Scarlet said...

They could call the galaxy Dunroamin' and you could then name your house after this galaxy.
I hope this helps.
Sx

Zig said...

and Marmite is shite - I knew that too.

Christopher said...

Reading* Para. 1 led me to instant parody of Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want for eventual ritual slaughter/ attention at the abattoir*.

Then (beneath the stars) of On Looking Into Chapman's Homer*:

Then felt I like some watcher* of the skies When a new galaxy [actually 'planet'] sweeps into his ken...

starred words = suggested house names.

I'm going to lie down a little now.

Vicus Scurra said...

Scarlet. Or they could call the Galaxy "Fuck off and leave me alone" which would be a better house name for me.
Zig. I will not be drawn into silly debates. I value my time on the internet. You have been warned.

Vicus Scurra said...

Christopher. Thank you. I will consider your suggestions.

Mr.S.Capeons said...

Dear Mr Kronicles,

What you fail to appreciate is that Lansley and his predecessors have all seen the documentary "28 Weeks Later" and they already know that the zombies are going to overwhelm the bloody NHS anyway.
Honestly.

english inukshuk said...

I like Marmite - in fact I had some on toast at the weekend and very delicious it was too

as for naming your home, this is redundant; your friends will know where you live and all the postal service requires for a successful delivery is your house number and post code

and as for your topic today, just thinking about the state of the NHS makes the skin peel off my teeth

xl said...

I'm visiting via Miss Scarlet.

Careful with adding NGC 6744 as a FB friend. They might be cannibals looking for an easy meal!

Vicus Scurra said...

Donn. No, there are no zombies, just the Minister of Education. If I had my druthers, I would choose the zombies.
EI - who started this marmite thing? Thank you for your opinions on each topic, I knew that I could rely on you.
XL. How nice to meet you. There are no cannibals, only Lansleys and Goves. Cannibals would be better.

MJ said...

Here’s a door mat for your house.

Vicus Scurra said...

Much too polite.

Dave said...

I am beginning to believe that eating some solid red meat might improve your outlook on the world. It will certainly taste better than Marmite.

No doubt out of sheer bloody-mindedness, you will become the first vegan zombie.

Mark said...

We had a plan to buy a house on Ermine Street. We were going to call it 'Dunroman'.

It never happened. Life, eh?

MarkG said...

That's funny. I think I pressed the wrong button. It's been a long time since I did any blogging. And why haven't I got a little picture by my name?

Good to see the word verification is still running. Hapsema: an ancient Arabic word that translates roughly as 'qhe sera sera'. Or 'whatever'.

Vicus Scurra said...

Mark. I am pleased to see that you have settled here where you belong.

MarkG said...

I haven't really got anything to say. I'm just trying to figure out why Blogger won't let me leave a comment with a cute little picture. You'll thank me in the end.

MarkG said...

Well, that didn't work...

Mark said...

I have nothing further to add. I merely visit to pay homage to the Thane of Kal'yuga and see if Google can figure out how to add a picture to my comment.

Ovents: events at which no-one showed up.

Mark said...

Yaaaaaay! It worked, after a fashion.

Scral: the sensation you get when you know you've damaged a fingernail even though you can't see the damage but in two weeks' time your guitar playing skills are going to tank.

Mark said...

Tubrolo: a medical condition associated with playing the tuba whilst simultaneously chewing a Rolo.

I couldn't resist. Sorry.

Mr VeryVeryBored said...

Vicus, I stole your thing about the organ donation with some left wing friends today, entirely without due credit to your blog. Everyone thought me very witty and topical. Much obliged.

Dave said...

You don't seem to have found anything to annoy you for the last 6 weeks. It may be that the stories about your friend Murdoch have passed-you by, in your Carribean hideout.

Or are you dead?