Thursday, September 08, 2011

Something for the weekend


The good news for stargazers this weekend is, according to all reliable news sources (oxymoron? Ed.), the explosion of a supernova in a nearby galaxy.

Supernovae are phenomena caused by inhabitants of planets causing their sun to explode after realising that they were surrounded by people who had actually voted for the current Tory government. Scientists have calculated that, given the billions of stars in the universe there is what amounts to a certainty of there being at least 44 other Wackford Goves in existence.

I am not quite at the point of despair. Not quite ready to nip down to Homebase to pick up their “Blow up the sun” kit – 2 for the price of one offer while stocks last. I am determined to persevere through the winter months, in the sure and certain knowledge of seeing the All Blacks win the world cup, Viru surpassing 400 runs in a test and finishing reading the pile of books currently at the side of my bed. I will do all this, and more, before I am so disheartened by the list of knuckle-draggers who are the potential candidates for next president of the USA that I consider halting the orbit of the planet.

Of course, the events visible in the UK this weekend actually happened 21 million years ago. I suppose most of us will prefer to stay warm and watch Saturday evening terrestrial television, which has only been the same for just over 13 million years.

12 comments:

Rol said...

X-Factor was so much better 21 million years ago. Back when Bruce Forsythe was the host.

Richard said...

Are you implying that there are tories throughout the known and unknown universes?

Vicus Scurra said...

Rol. I have no idea how good or poor Xfactor is or has been now or ever. All that I know is that I would never watch it. Thank you.
Richard. We have them in North East Hampshire. No reason why other sentient beings should not suffer similarly.

Zig said...

from ban the bomb to bang the bomb in one right move - although personally I want to be around to see the carnage that's why I'm planning on something closer to home like the houses of parliament. Especially now the the LibDems are in trouble having finally realised they are spineless wankers. Luckily for them tho, there'll be no NHS to save them.

english inukshuk said...

. . .coffee? . . .

Vicus Scurra said...

Zig. I cannot condone violence, even against the tories. But good luck, anyway.
Coffee!

Rol said...

Vicus - can I just say that I'm with you on X-Factor, I was using it as an example of Saturday night TV and not as something I would ever watch on Saturday night TV.

Just to set the record straight.

Christopher said...

Had the X-Factor (not quite certain what this is: some kind of crossword? Something to do with Max Factor?) been around when Dean Swift was the host, he would have offered you his place. His position, that is, not the Deanery.

Pearl said...

Had the X Factor once. Delightful, although my pupils were dilated for days...

And on behalf of the USA/its presidential hopefuls, can I come and stay on your couch? I don't want to be here when mandatory public prayer is re-instated.

Pearl

Dave said...

I'm pleased to see that nothing has changed while I've been away.

Dave said...

Except the whole universe, of course. I believe that's something to do with the second law of thermodynamics.

Vicus Scurra said...

OK. Stop all the Xfactor rubbish. You can discuss it on virtually every other web site - they seem to have been created solely for that purpose - and on every radio station, but please do not pollute this little oasis of sanity.
Pearl - you most certainly cannot sleep on my couch - you will sleep in the guest bedroom and be treated properly. I counsel, however, (much as I would love to see you) that you read up on "Gove", "Hansley" and "Cameron" if you think this side of the ocean is much saner than yours.
Dave. We have spoken before about your preposterous beliefs. Newton was not a messiah, he was a very naughty boy.