Stink Theory

Just yesterday evening on the electric wireless, there was a short piece about TCM the scientists and another of their invaluable experiments. I will list the points made.

·         They were conducting experiments on mice in order to research pain
·         The mice did not show behaviour consistent with experiencing pain
·         They (the experimenters, not the experimentees, ffs) deduced that the mice’s reaction was due to their showing signs of stress which somehow alleviated the pain
·         This stress disappeared when the experimenters left the room
·         They then discovered that the stress was only present when the mice were being handled by men; when women were present it had no effect
·         They discovered that the scent of men is similar to the scent of male mice and this was influencing the mice
·         They proved this by asking the men to leave behind their sweaty t-shirts and leave the room – the mice were stressed by the smell of male human clothing
·         This experiment was conducted in Canada

Here are some of my observations on this little story

·         After 14 billion + years of this universe expanding, the most intelligent life form known in these parts has still not evolved beyond the stage of finding it necessary to torture rodents.
·         Don’t we already know that observers affect the outcome – innit called the Observer Paradox or summat?
·         If the smell of the human male has such an acute effect upon the scientific method, it supports my theory that all of the science I learned in school is flawed, if not complete balderdash. All of the experiments I observed during the 5 painful years I was forced to learn chemistry, physics and biology were conducted in the presence of a roomful of adolescents. For most of the time I was too shy to get close enough to the girls to find out whether they smelt unpleasant, but I can testify that the boys were beyond disgusting and this has been my experience of adolescent males ever since; they stink. The little belief I had before in magnetic north and south poles, the reflexes of frogs and Avogadro’s hypothesis and all other guff has now dissipated, and I confess to feeling strangely liberated. Those particles whizzing round the corridors at Cern are motivated only by the need to get away from the disgusting odour of physicists. We shall learn nothing about the nature of existence by meddling with it.
·         If the human armpit smells like a mouse armpit, then there is probably a market out there for rodent deodorant.
·         If you are unfortunate enough to be admitted to hospital and require an operation make sure that you request that the anaesthesiologist has appalling personal hygiene.
·         The sight of the experimenters removing their shirts would probably cause most sentient mice more stress than the smell of their sweat.
·         Canadians are not as friendly as they would have us believe
·         Science or religion – which one is more crazy? Buggered if I can decide.