Thursday, July 24, 2014

Keeping up with the correspondence

An interesting selection of emails arrive this evening.

1) From Chattanooga a young man invites me to “Dr. David Banks will be teaching on Professionalism, get ready for the time of your life. “
I reply thus:
Do you, by any chance, think that as part of the good doctor's discourse on professionalism he will touch on the topic of making sure that you always have the correct email address?
And has anyone ever pointed out that your name is an anagram of "An orgasmic hen"? 
love and peace

2) I am alarmed to learn that my membership of Bay Harbor (sic) Fitness has expired.
I tell them:
Thank you. As you are 4396.8 miles from my house, I figure that I could get as fit as I need by walking to your establishment. It may be a tad tiring, so I would be grateful for a lift back.
love and peace

3) I am surprised to learn that I applied for the role of Plant Manager in East Palestine – a young lady writes thus:
Thank you very much for your interest in the Plant Manager role. We are writing to let you know this position has been put on hold indefinitely.
I reply, effusively:
Thank you for letting me know.
I note that there is an East Palestine in Ohio, and I am assuming that this is the location of the role to which you allude. This is a relief as the other Palestine would not be my chosen work location at the moment. 
I don't recall sharing any interest in plant management - I tend to put them in the ground surround them with some organic compost and make sure that they are watered as required - more husbandry than management I would say, but it is perhaps my tendency towards pedantry that was a factor in my lack of success in obtaining this post. 
As the venue is 3703.2 miles from my house, I would probably not be there on time each morning, so perhaps it is for the best.
By the way, did you know that your name was an anagram of "Naked as the lingerie"?
love and peace

4) The same man from Chattanooga writes :
What would you do with $2500 to make Chattanooga a more connected city?
I reply:

I would buy train tickets, leaving the Pennsylvania Station 'bout a quarter to four
You’re making it too easy now.
Love and peace

6 comments:

auban said...


I note that you (anglo-snobbishly ?) dislike the American spelling of 'harbor'. Did you not know that this was an alternative spelling right up to the early 19th century in the British Isles? Indeed there was an estate (we Irish call them demesnes, a charming Anglo-Norman word which is 'domaine' in modern French) in the county Tyrone called Favor Royal. It is now a State Forest.

I refer you to
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_and_British_English_spelling_differences
for your further enlightenment.

My name is an anagram of the ugly injunction: 'wean thy iron'...

Millennium Housewife said...

Still waiting for you to get back to me. Perhaps I should send an email?

Vicus Scurra said...

Millennium Housewife! She's back! It's the same one.
Yes, please send me an email. (You are not the Tory party are you? I recently managed to get on their mailing list).

Liz said...

I made the mistake of filling in a survey for the Tory Party, making it very clear that I think they are plonkers. Now they keep sending me new surveys, always asking the same questions.

Pearl said...

That last response was delicious.

:-)

Pearl

Vicus Scurra said...

Pearl - and so are you.