Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Atticus? I thought he was a dead archbishop

Regular readers, (AMTONW) will understand that I had occasion to buy a Sunday newspaper this week, where a stasis leak had occurred, and a bit of the internet had spilled out into that parallel universe laughingly referred to as “the real world”, viz. my contribution to the Atticus column in the Sunday Times.

There is a flood of outrage, (well, one comment) over on Boris’s site, where old Atticus is castigated for ripping off material when he is paid so much to write his own. I don’t mind this. As a great artist myself, I am not unfamiliar with the struggle to entertain my audience (AMTONW).

What was surprising was the size of the newspaper. I really could have done with a shopping trolley to get it to my car. I asked a young lad who was loitering in the shop for assistance “Would you like to grab hold of my supplement?”, but he affected indifference. I imagine the recycling team will refuse to take the contents of the recycling bin next time. “No, guv, there’s no market for that much paper – we’d have to chop down three ancient woodlands to avoid overproduction”.

And all of it filled with cack. I haven’t read it, and don’t intend to. I just wanted a record of my little contribution. There are 4 pages apparently about the next leader of the Tories. It was Boris writing about this dull topic that inspired my very clever contribution to his web site. The analogy is, you are going to have a large stick inserted in your rectum. The good news is that there are five sticks to choose from, all identical in size, shape and volume, but slightly different colours, and the choice is yours. As with the competition to be top Tory, it may make some difference to the candidates, and I leave readers (AMTONW) to make up their own minds about the relative states of consciousness and awareness of sticks and Conservative MPs, but makes no difference whatsoever to me.

I dread to think what was in the other Sunday papers on offer, I didn’t buy the Observer, Telegraph, Anthrax or Koala. I refused to peruse the contents of the Mirror, People, Armpit or Pustule, as I have no interest in “My night of lust with Val Doonican”. (I see more unwelcome visitors courtesy of Theodore and Evadne Google).

No, friends (AMTONW), eschew the seamy world of Murdoch and read the blogs. Watski or Peregrine Worsthorne? No contest.

7 comments:

Mark Gamon said...

Blimey. Your posts are like London buses. You wait a week, and then four come along all at once...

Adam Leonard said...

Mark is exactly right. Except I've never been to London, so I wouldn't really know. However, one of my friends here (who pratically lives in this flat, but not quite) lives there during the summer. I suppose I could ask him if I really cared.

itrdetgl- A compound word of "irritating," "ardent," and "gel." I has yet to be used in a real sentence other than things such as "What's an itrdetgl?"

Vicus Scurra said...

Adam, please come to London, Mark and I will take you out. Introduce you to mescaline, sign you up for membership of the Camden Town Young Trotskyists, ensure you will always be able to make meaningful contributions in arguments about whether Airplane were better than the Doors, and let your hair grow down at least as far as your knees.
And we promise your mom to have you back home by 9:45.
fpmpfyq - For Prompt Mentoring, Please Fax Your Questions.

Adam said...

Interestingly enough, it seems that the mayor of that same city won an award recently, and a member of your favorite family seems to have earned an honorable mention (October 10th entry):

http://www.cagle.com/news/blog/

dzngye- The act of posting barely relevant material to the comments section.

Mark Gamon said...

Sounds like a good night out, Vicus. Airplane, on the whole.

tom909 said...

Vicus, I am shocked at your so open attempts to introduce Adam to the world of hallucinagenic drugs and rock music. Should you not think back to that fateful day when you yourself fell foul of the very same evil forces. Can you truly say that knowing and experiencing the ability to get completely blasted has in any way been an advantage to you in later life?

Vicus Scurra said...

No, Tom, but I have heard of cases where it caused repetitive meaningless behaviour, such as posting blogs where the only topic was the change of title. I promise not to introduce him to Sandy Shaw's second album - does that reassure you.
ayjlkifd - exclamation caused when you realise that the octopus growing out of your knee is not an hallucination.