Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Goodbye and thanks for all the fission

I had mixed feelings when my pals at the BBC reported that there was a problem with physics in schools.

The initial headline indicated that there may soon be a danger of physics dying out in our centres of education. I did not take this literally, and did not take it to mean that New Labour had meddled even further than it usually does, and repealed the law of gravity, and Curie’s law in schools.

Their article clarified this a little, by referring to a “shortage of physics teacher”. I took this to be a reference to a lack of quantity rather than stature, having read the entire article. This makes sense. When I was a lad, none of my physics teachers seemed either inordinately tall or short. The only characteristic they had in common was their continued belief in the absurd pronouncements they made during lessons. I am convinced that physics is little more than modernised Alchemy, and more of a mythology than a science. The complex rules of English syntax make more sense to me.

I am glad that this ridiculous belief system is dying out.

It may seem a little presumptuous of me to describe some of the greatest thinkers and scientists of this and former ages as misguided practitioners of an arcane mysticism, but, mark my words, students far in the future will fall about laughing at the bizarre understanding of the universe demonstrated by 21st century physicists, while marvelling and being awestruck by the sagacity and wit of Kaliyuga Kronicles.

7 comments:

Geoff said...

Our physics teachers weren't particularly tall.

One was a Glenn Miller fanatic.

Another looked like you, Vicus.

Simon Holledge said...

I don't remember anything at all about my physics teachers - whether they were male or female, short or tall, fat or thin etc. Maybe I didn't have any? Maybe there had already started disappearing in my part of the world?

Adam said...

It must be true, as I am a college ophomore and have not yet had to take a Physics class in my life. It's an option, but I chose Astronomy intead, because math is my sworn nemisis.

itpdfmvy- I dunno, Something or other about motion.

Vicus Scurra said...

Adamy, Adamy, Adamy.
How I look forward to taking the piss out of you. But you might make it harder for us all.
Here is a quiz for those of you who give more than a toss for what Adam meant when he wrote "ophomore".
Was it:
a) Overmore - a fancy way of say "moreover".
b) ephemera - something fleeting, such as the attention span of college students.
c) oophore - egg-bearing, indicative of having a mallard or a turtle in your ancestry.
d) sophomore - pretentious description of a second year student in a US college. The UK equivalent is the stick insect collection at the Natural History Museum.

And nemisis? Watt didd y'all chews insted of spellin?

mytteq. An 18th year student at a US College. Just about able to pick his own nose.

Simon Holledge said...

I'd go for (c), and without wishing to disparage your biology (did you do it at school?) the likely parentage is a duckbill platypus, one of our very few egg-laying mammal cousins.

If this blog had the necessary features I'd put a picture of it up here.

Good morning.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you for your erudition, Simon, although I fear it is out of place here.
Platypus? Mallard? Turtle?
Go to Adam's web page, look at his photograph, and make your own decision.
I studied (trans: attended classes) biology until the age of 14, at which point I could stand it no longer.
I learnt the word "anaerobic", and nothing else that I can remember. I have never used that word, other than to say that I learnt it in Biology.
The advantage that Biology has over Physics is the absence of nonsensical laws. Maybe there are some, and I wasn't paying attention that year.

xhmap - alternative to xy chromosome map, found in certain species of wormlike creatures in the eight galaxy past Hendon, and in some of the inhabitants of the southern United States.

Simon Holledge said...

So you do anaerobics as well! (I knew about the Hampshire pole vaulting of course.) Be careful of the old kneecaps!