Tuesday, August 14, 2007

News update

I am pleased to note that my friends at the BBC have edited a headline on their website that referred to “pre-planning”, and have corrected it to say “planned”. I was on the verge of telephoning Jeremy Paxman to get it put right, but couldn’t face the prospect of him telling me a string of fart jokes, or doing his Adam Faith impersonation. Fortunately, the mistake has now been rectified.

More worryingly, the BBC television news has reported that the latest investigations of outbreaks of foot and mouth disease are in an area which surrounds Chessington World of Adventure. It is vital that I make this very clear, because I know some of you tend towards hot-headedness. This news is not a mandate for you to go and begin the mass slaughter of visitors to said tourist attraction. I know that there are one or two of you who somewhat pompously believe that the eradication of the amusement park visiting section of the population would serve to improve the quality of the race, but I cannot sanction it. I never approve of cruelty, and take a very dim very of it where children are concerned. Nevertheless, action needs to be taken, and I suggest the setting up of an exclusion zone around the property. People may go in, subject to their having purchased the appropriate ticket, but no one should leave until we can be sure that they are not carrying the disease. I reckon thirty years should do it.

9 comments:

Dave said...

Only thirty years, Vicus? By then you'll be a grumpy old man, surely?

Reg Pither said...

I believe the BBC news corrected the story in later bulletins. They said subsequently that there had been an outbreak of Chessington World of Adventure visiting in an area where there were already sick cattle.

awaiting said...

Why stop at thirty...lets make it a mere 50 years. I should be dead by then so it won't matter much.

john.g. said...

I'm with Awaiting, the longer the better. And the time limit!

Mr. X said...

We say nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Richard said...

Absolutely nothing to do with this post but I've just seen an advert for the latest Elvis cash in magazine that promises you "unique replica artifacts" inside. Only one set, eh? good value for 99p then.

And again, very little to do with this but it has reminded me of a 20 year old joke between the members of Thamesmead Cricket Club that started when LOD said he couldn't play one week because he was going to a theme park. During the next game, every time he fielded the ball or ran in to bowl he was accompanied by the whole side whispering "Chessington Chessington Chessington". If you had been there you would have done a LOL.

raincoaster said...

Can we at least slaughter the ones that LOOK like cows? I feel we should be doing this anyway, but then, most of the tourists around here are Americans.

homo escapeons said...

According to their webpage "the precautionary tests were carried out on Tuesday following abnormal findings IN one of the Zoo's sheep."

I find this response to be evasive and unacceptable because it failed to mention who was IN the sheep when the abnormality was detected nor did it mention his rank.

Thank goodness that the entire stock has been cleared. This is great news for British Seamen.

broomhilda said...

lets make it 100 years, then we'll all be dead (ok perhaps not me), then - nothing to worry about.