I thought that I might make up for my lack of posting of late by covering a subject close to your hearts – filth. After all, my frequent visitors here who come via the website of Theodore and Evadne Google usually stumble across this site looking for some sort of perversion.
First of all while scanning the TV channels this evening, I noticed that Channel 4 were showing “The Perfect Vagina”. I was somewhat alarmed on passing through to find Gary Lineker* in it, asking for suggestions for a new flavour – ideas included bacon and egg and pork pie – however, much to my relief, this turned out to be a commercial for crisps** showing during the interval. I rapidly moved on and found another program called “The Complete Cunt”, which was a biography of George Bush. Yes, it has been a long time since I posted, please bear with me while I get up to speed.
I saw a little bit of the Olympic Games today: it seemed to be a day for the lady athletes to be competing. It’s so nice that we give them a chance these days isn’t it? OK, so they will never be much good, but it isn’t fair to deny them a chance to win a medal or two, to hang up in the kitchen while they do the ironing. They are so much more attractive these days – the last time that I watched them competing the races were all dominated by androgynous eastern Europeans, but now they are much more representative of the female population. One thing that I did notice though was the absence of bosoms. I can see that have a great pair of floppy watermelons flying off in all directions might inhibit athletic prowess, but I think it would make up for that in entertainment value. I shall telephone that smug twat Seb Coe*** tomorrow and ask for the 200 metres triple D to be included in the London Olympics. Or perhaps the steeplechase with an extra deep water jump for the mammaralogically gifted competitors. I am too old for this sort of entertainment, but not too old to know what the public wants.
If there are any ladies who have not been offended by this so far, I apologise and would welcome suggestions as to how I might make it more unacceptable.
* for non UK readers Gary Lineker is Britain’s answer to OJ Simpson.
** for non UK readers – potato chips.
*** for non UK readers – learn the fucking language, why don’t you?