Friday, October 17, 2008

A further treatise on the nature of human existence.

There is a programme currently on the BBC called “Guitar Heroes”. Call me picky, (guitar pun there), but heroism is not an attribute that I would normally associate with the playing of any musical instrument, let alone the guitar. Heroes are those people who encounter danger in order to achieve something, usually on behalf of others, such as those who fight against the odds in just causes, or wander naked into Ann Widdecombe’s bedroom. The only guitar player I can think of who encountered danger in the course of earning his living was Hendrix, who appeared on stage with a burning guitar, and as he was the one who set fire to the fucker in the first place, then the poor drug addled bastard was not so much a hero as a loony.

So join me, fellow iconoclasts, in sticking a very sharp dagger in the side of this cult of celebrity and all of the hyperbole that goes with it. Rise up and shout at the wireless the next time you hear of someone who played 4 games at right midfield for Grimsby Town in 1973 being described as a “legend”. When I was at school the word “legend” had some connotations of being mythological. You might say, not very kindly, that I am so old that I was on first name terms with most mythological characters, but then I would have to counter that with some dialectical invective, such as “your momma”.

On the other hand, and taking the entirely opposite point of view, I experienced a smidgen of sadness this evening when some of the panellists on the News Quiz professed no knowledge of Danny Blanchflower. Even Jeremy Hardy was offended at this and challenged Sandi Toksvig and Sue Perkins with the accusation “You are supposed to be lesbians”. Yes, even Danny Blanchflower will be forgotten, not to mention his brother Jackie. How many of you can name the Spurs double winning team of 1961? (I confess I had to think hard about it). (And lose ten points anyone who said “Jimmy Greaves”.) What was remarkable about Danny was that he was intelligent (it is late at night, so I am not going to verify any of the following statements by checking them), a quality as common in the majority of footballers as it is in Republican vice presidential candidates. Surprisingly, he failed completely as a coach and manager after his playing career ended, but I think that he was the one who talked about equalising before the other team scored and maybe even of getting retaliation in first. So spare a thought for these people whose 15 minutes of fame lasted for several years, but are now remembered only by a few. Have compassion on them. Unlike me, whose works are timeless and will be read by every future generation, and will probably be treated as scriptures by some advanced civilisations, these “celebrities” kept the noiseless tenor of their way.

Pass the hot milk, please.



Hey Picky.
You lost me after Hendrix.

The word Legend must be placed on the shelf with other exhausted buzz-words that have been eviscerated from overexposure in the media and are now bereft of any meaningful value whatsoever,
so long as we both shall live,
forever and ever,
such as;

Love, Sale, and Threeway.

With regards to the subject of Football, I'm sorry but as I am no longer a practising Widdecombian Lesbian, it is no longer possible for me to speak with any authority on such matters..
yes, even when coaxed with drink.

garfer said...

At the end of the day guitar playing is a game of two halves. You start out having people pee on you as you busk and end up shagging groupies and choking on your on vomit.

It's the hardest game in the world.

I, like the view said...

horlicks with the milk?

Vicus Scurra said...

Donn. Since when has speaking with authority ever been among the criteria for comments here?
Garfer. Your words are filled with beauty.
ILTV. Please keep up. I don't have to tell everyone what the hot milk goes with, do I?

I, like the view said...

not whore-licks then?

I know! a biscuit for dunking. . .

Geoff said...

Randy California was a hero. He saved his son from drowning but drowned himself.

Ted Nugent shoots defenceless animals.

KAZ said...

Ann Widdecombe - now there's a legend if ever there was one.

Richard said...

Les Harvey out of Stone the Crows. He went out in a blaze of glory.

I used to read Danny Blanchflower's column in the Sunday Express and I've got Dave McKay's autograph. My Dad's school was in White Hart Lane until a V2 hit it and grew up in Tottenham. My grandma remembered the parade in the town. Despite the deep family connections to the area, they are the only two members of that side I could name. I don't think they cared much for football.

Richard said...

Let me clarify that before you do - The V2 didn't grow up in Tottenham after it hit my dad's school.

I'm on pills.

Vicus Scurra said...

And to clarify further, Richard, I take it that it was your family that didn't care much for football, rather than the two footballers that you could name.

Dave said...

I really can't be bothered to write a comment. It is such an effort to get up from the floor, where I went to retrieve my sides that had split.

Ian said...

Am I correctly recalling that it was Danny Blanchflower who was responsible for changing the production of the "This is your life" television program from live to pre-recorded. The reason being that when then program compere Eamonn Andrews bobbed up with the surprise announcement "Danny Blanchflower, this is your life", the sturdy fellow point blank refused to go on the program, leaving the television company with the problem of how to fill a half hour of prime time.

zoe said...

ME. I'm a heroine. I put up with Quarsan and the kids far too often. Especially as Todd now plays the electric guitar. I wonder if I could get away with setting light to it? Interesting.

Q likes Ann so leave her be and he'll leave me be.


MJ said...

Was Danny Blanchflower ever on Coronation Street?

Richard said...

You will find this amusing.

I spotted that. Unfortunately my time ran out at the library before I could prevent you making me look foolish. Bugger.

Tim Footman said...

And don't forget Those Glory Glory Days. From back when Channel 4 was good.

tom909 said...

Totally agree with you on this one Vicus. Have to say the very worst kind of heroes and legends are the ones that think they are them. And worse than that are the sychophantic losers who create these weirdos.
As my dear wife says, 'you're a legend in your own lunchtime'.

realdoc said...

I know who Danny Blanchflower is and I am not a lesbian although I am Northern Irish person.

Plus Ann Widdecombe's bedroom....shudders