Pinup of the week

It was a delight and an education to see the lovely Graham Rowntree being interviewed on the Rugby Club this week.

Seeing him speak often reminds me of the Village Idiot sketch from Python. One expects that he will sound like a punch drunk boxer rather than an articulate and intelligent commentator. When asked whether the next (England) game was likely to see a shift in emphasis from the back 3 to the front 3, he opined that all games should be that way, and, indeed, the game would be much better if you got rid of the backs and the referee.

I trust that all of this is not making those of you unfortunate enough to live in the colonies sad, that is not the intention. You must remember that your countries are still young, and you must be patient in your wait for culture.

This is so much more edifying than the fare presented by soccer pundits. It may be the beautiful game, but there is no one around who can describe it fluently. Mangled English pronounced as if by Arthur Daley. “He done good”. “He has ran”. “He ran quick”. Morons. You can say what you like about equestrian sport – brain dead throwbacks twatting around like the man I’m aunt to, they should all be taken out and shot for the sake of the gene pool and so on – but the commentators speak so nicely. You can say that the monarchy is representative of fascist oppression and peopled by those without the wit to do up their own buttons, but at least when they are unveiling a statue of the 16th Mayor of Margate, they speak distinctly and accurately. You can, if that is your preference, call Gyles Brandreth a totally vacuous, unfunny Tory tosser whose is so far up his own arse that he has two heads, but he does speak very clearly and correctly. If I were the England soccer manager, I would play Brian Sewell at centre forward.