I have been fortunate not to have had cause to visit London for some time. There are many reasons to be glad, not the least of which is the fear of bumping into David Cameron or some other third rate comedian. What has really raised my anxiety, however, is the danger that I may have my values challenged by the current spate of disturbing advertisements that appear on the vehicles of the royal omnibus company.
The British Humanist Society already claim to have converted two bishops, the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople and a visiting lama from Lhatse. “I’d never given it much thought before”, confessed Imam Hassan Yousuf from Blackpool, “but in future I will be travelling by bus more often. You are never too old to take on new ideas.”
Now, according to the Grauniad, sundry God-botherers are hitting back with silly slogans of their own. Already the Christian Party, the Trinitarian Bible Society and the Russian Orthodox Church have produced advertisements for buses. This is all very well, but which one do you join? Which one has the real God? It beats me. (I have ruled out the Christian Party – I don’t like parties, and the last thing I want is to spend evenings nibbling inedible snacks, singing jolly hymns and being vomited over by the provost of Milton Keynes cathedral, while sundry deacons tell me that “Jesus is my best mate.”)
These advertisements are all so persuasive. If the Moslems, Jains and Taoists all join in, my brain will probably explode. If the whirling dervishes get in on the act, I won’t know which way to turn.