Thursday, February 05, 2009

Going straight to hell on the 74 to Parson's Green.

I have been fortunate not to have had cause to visit London for some time. There are many reasons to be glad, not the least of which is the fear of bumping into David Cameron or some other third rate comedian. What has really raised my anxiety, however, is the danger that I may have my values challenged by the current spate of disturbing advertisements that appear on the vehicles of the royal omnibus company.

The British Humanist Society already claim to have converted two bishops, the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople and a visiting lama from Lhatse. “I’d never given it much thought before”, confessed Imam Hassan Yousuf from Blackpool, “but in future I will be travelling by bus more often. You are never too old to take on new ideas.”


Now, according to the Grauniad, sundry God-botherers are hitting back with silly slogans of their own. Already the Christian Party, the Trinitarian Bible Society and the Russian Orthodox Church have produced advertisements for buses. This is all very well, but which one do you join? Which one has the real God? It beats me. (I have ruled out the Christian Party – I don’t like parties, and the last thing I want is to spend evenings nibbling inedible snacks, singing jolly hymns and being vomited over by the provost of Milton Keynes cathedral, while sundry deacons tell me that “Jesus is my best mate.”)


These advertisements are all so persuasive. If the Moslems, Jains and Taoists all join in, my brain will probably explode. If the whirling dervishes get in on the act, I won’t know which way to turn.

20 comments:

KAZ said...

What a good thing that Dave doesn't travel on buses. He might start wearing saffron robes and hanging bells on his person.
But at least he wouldn't have to shave his head.

Vicus Scurra said...

Ironically, God doesn't travel on buses either, he prefers to move in mysterious ways.

Geoff said...

Has anybody had the idea of using Tony The Tiger yet?

"God is grrrrrrreat!"

Richard said...

You're going to hell. I know this.

Vicus Scurra said...

I'll save you a place near the fire.

I, Like The View said...

can we toast marshmallows?

Vicus Scurra said...

Geoff. Nothing frosty where I'm going.
ILTV. I am not sure. Trust you to bring a complex ecumenical concept into the debate.

Ellen said...

I think I saw God on a bus once, but I can't be sure, it was dark and it was late. If it was, She had on very sensible shoes.

Dave said...

Dave does travel on buses, Kaz. Not in London, fortunately.

Also, since he has retired he hasn't been to the barbers once, so his hair is now quite long.

Actually, with the beard, he now looks quite like Jesus.

If Jesus wore glasses that is. Being perfect, though, he probably doesn't.

No need for a double-take then, if you catch sight of him on an omnibus near Clapham.

Homo Escapeons said...

Good News for modern man?

Obviously this is a new development after the success of the last ad campaign.

There's prolly no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life. Oh what the hell, you might as well take a run at your neighbour's wife. No not the toothless harridan next door you dim twat. The exotic temptress across the lane with the big knockers you daft bugger.

Rog said...

I think God threw 2" snow at the buses to get his own back on Dawkins.

You're on the No 87 Handcart Vicus.

Vicus Scurra said...

Ellen. Those sensible shoes are always a giveaway aren't they? I have tried to get her to wear wellies to move among her creation a little less recognisably, but the daft bint won't listen.
Dave. Does Jesus talk about himself in the third person? I had him down for being a little more humble than that.
Donn. That is a quote directly from the Song of Solomon unless I miss my guess.
Rog. I happen to know God's plans for Dawkins. The twat will be praying for 2 inches of snow by the time he's finished.

moreidlethoughts said...

God's in The Mile High Club? Who knew?

Oh, word verification is forka. I am not making this up!

Vicus Scurra said...

Dinah. Everyone, apparently, apart from you. Do try to keep up.

Vicus Scurra said...

I was sorry to see over at Sky News (you know the site very well, Richard) that Tony Blair has taken no notice of this post and jumped on the god-botherers bandwagon (bus?) by saying how jolly important God is.
Tony, you toothy twassock, do you honestly think that God has time to listen to you and your three a penny opinions about him? Don't you think he's got enough to occupy him providing the energy for a constantly expanding universe, and worrying about the weakness in midfield of Accrington Stanley?

Dave said...

'Does Jesus talk about himself in the third person?' You ask.

An important theological question. Implied use of trinitarian language I suspect.

Jesus did indeed refer to himself that way - when he spoke about The Son of Man.

Richard said...

What is this "Sky News" of which you speak?

tom909 said...

I think God is pretty chuffed with all these ads. He is taking the line that any publicity is good publicity.
To be honest I think he is wrong there though, cos obviously some publicity is totally bad isn't it? I mean to say, will Carol Thatcher ever come back from her golliwog remark!

Zed said...

I saw these bizarre signs on busses last year when I was in London - briefly. They are a source of amusement and I cannot wait until Belgium picks up on the idea.

Jesus (or is it God) has a very mysterious way of communicating.

Mr. Morningwood said...

HAHAHA!
I love your reference to the whirling dervishes and not knowing which way to turn..guud won!

I do have a pertinent question to ask at this time..

why is it that h'ordeuvres, lady-dervishes, are prohibited from wearing the fez while operating those miniature motorcycles during parades?