Thursday, May 21, 2009

Turn on, tune in, drop dead

Having been somewhat preoccupied these few days, I felt it behoved me to give you a quick update, so I sashayed over to the Torygraph to pick up on any old trivia that I may have overlooked, and thence to reassure you, my dear readers, (aMToNW) that all is in order.

I was saddened to read of the passing of Albert Hoffman, who, praise the Lord, survived to the age of 102 to prove that just saying “no” is really crap advice. I have affection for him as the inventor of one of those things that made young adulthood so enjoyable. He did not lend his name to his invention, unlike the others who contributed so much to my formative years, such as Sidney Durex, Muriel Chillum and Sir Colin Stereo. Albie famously fell out with Timothy Leary.He felt that Tim was entirely wrong in promoting the recreational use of his invention, rather than preserving it as a medium for academic research. I never saw the two as mutually exclusive, although the quid’s worth that I purchased at a famous seat of learning in Staffordshire in 1970 fell short on both counts. I hope that God has prepared a banquet for old Alb, and is chilling out with him this evening. If that is the case, it may explain some of the strange phenomena around us at the moment.

I notice that our pal Boris has spoken out against the BNP being invited to Buckingham palace, and says that he is opposed to anything that embarrasses the queen. I done a lol. 98% of the people who visit the old bat would embarrass most human beings, and Bozza himself is in the upper portions of that list. I pride myself on my resistance to embarrassment, but anyone who has hung around with barmy Phil for most of her life must be totally immune.

Out-borissing Mr Johnson by some considerable distance, however, is the Roman catholic archbishop of Westminster, who has launched a scathing attack on secularists. He accuses them of encouraging intolerance. I done an even bigger lol, as did my friend Gerald Torquemada, when I mentioned it to him in Waitrose this morning. Much as I applaud anyone having a go at that prize anus Dawkins, I see little difference in the tripe that any of these god botherers purvey, whether they believe in God or not.


Tim Footman said...

"Sir Colin Stereo"

That's when the tea came out of my nostril

And the WV is "minglypt", which is just fabulous

Dave said...

Today's WV is 'crotogie' which, oddly, is my pet name for you.

Rog said...

Fascists on lawn at Buck House. MP's fiddling expenses. What happened to the concept of "news"?

I, Like The View said...

is you friend Gerald related to Juan, the fifteenth-century Dominican papal apologist?

if so, that would be a fine coincidence -wouldn't it

Vicus Scurra said...

Tim. It is beyond the remit of my responsibilities here to criticise your domestic arrangements, but if I may suggest that if you find tea coming out of your nostrils a problem, then perhaps you can find an alternative container for it. In my day, one such container was called a "caddy" (in the stately homes a caddy was a young man who dispensed the tea leaves, in a similar fashion to a golf caddy), but more usually was a decorated tin box, with a tight fitting lid. The purchase of such an item might assuage your proboscutorial discomfort. I hope that this helps.
Dave. I thought that you would avoid the topic of my pet name, in the same way that I do not refer to the embarrassing incident at Bognor Regis.
Rog. Were I looking for news, I would have not gone to the Torygraph.
ILTV. That has never occurred to me.

Donn Coppens said...

I blame Albie's Dad, Dr. F. Hoffman, for putting so much pressure on him to live an imaginary world like his childhood friend C.S. Lewis.

Mind you, this didn't seem to affect his brother Dustin, who despite being 3'7" in height, has been categorized as being as fully human as the Hobbit fossil that was recently unearthed in Indonesia.

Since indignitaries barging into Buckingham Palace are actually welcomed by an American Actress posing as HRH, a Wallass Sampson something-or-other, and then served copious amounts of Earl Grey laced with Albie's "Orange Mike" LSD, it doesn't really add up to a hill of beans...
unless it's Posh and Becks, then that's cool.

Might I remind you Good Sir that Mr Dawkins is one of the few Scientists on the planet who has the courage to remind us that we are all alone in the Universe and consequently doomed to experience eternal nothingness when we die.

This is important work and any impediment may alter his plan to get us all to say Oh To Hell With It and drop a toaster in the bath.
I would ask that you kindly desist from discouraging such behavior.

Geoff said...

Maybe if the Roman Catholic church had practised some intolerance of their less than holy members whilst they were still alive...

I'd like to see the Queen fight fascists at her garden party the way her mum stood up to them in the East End.

Richard said...

Our MP while I was school was Keith Speed. I think he must have been an inventor as well.

Richard said...

WV is the rather anticlimactic babynha

Vicus Scurra said...

Donn. There will be nothing there to experience the nothingness, if I understand Mr Anus correctly. I hate to quibble, but we might be dead tomorrow.
Geoff. Catholics don't die. They all go to heaven.
Richard. He may have had an invention named after him, but I have no idea what a "Keith" is.

Donn Coppens said...

Actually Vicus old chap, we might all be dead right bloody now!

You must admit that blogging does have a certain Purgatorial feeling about it.