Thursday, January 12, 2012

Biopolymer nanocomposite? Come again?

I am delighted to learn this morning that not all scientific research is based upon the lunatic ideas of a few eccentric physics graduates. It is far too easy to mock the progress that our cerebral cousins are making, and far too easy to forget the improvement in the quality of life that this brings.

Scientists in Taiwan and Germany have found a cheaper and more effective material than silicon as the most important ingredient in the manufacture of computer chips.

What, I hear you exclaim, is this new and exciting material? Well, it is very simple, and I am frankly surprised that no one has thought of it before. It is a mixture of salmon sperm and silver. Of course.

By chance, someone was sexually  exciting a salmon over a five pence piece and suddenly noticed its ability to conduct. Let that be a lesson to all of the cynics out there.

Scientists say that because of the availability of salmon sperm (you will have seen the fish spunk aisle in Tesco) and its ability to grow fast, it is an ideal material.

Please feel free to do your own experiments (boys only, alas). If your computer is underperforming, try tossing one off onto a Kit-Kat wrapper, and stick it into the appropriate slot on your motherboard (yes, it is beginning to sound a bit dirty now, isn’t it?) and your CPU will be boosted.

I am off now to continue my experiments to find an alternative to fossil fuels for the world’s energy source. Anyone have any spare yak bile and a torque wrench?

** points will be deducted for puns on the word "conduct".

*** and no fish puns


Tim Footman said...

Ah, that's the mistake. I was using aluminium.

Vicus Scurra said...

No, Tim, the aluminium is for your hat, to stop us reading your thoughts. Did you pay no attention during your science lessons?

Richard said...

It's the coming thing.

Romeo Morningwood said...

I can see how all those long, lonely hours secluded in a dark, quiet lab could have spawned this discovery?

And here I was aboot to enjoy some salmon, salmon eggs, beans salmon, salmon and spam for breakfast...that doesn't have much salmon in it.

Geoff said...

Fishing for compliments?

Z said...

Thrice excluded, I have nothing to say.

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard. I know, it was a difficult subject, and the fish pun ban must have hurt.

Donn. spawn? close to a yellow card old boy.

Geoff. Another near yellow card.

Z. Thrice? I had you down as a fish fiddler.

Z said...

I may well have tickled the occasional trout, dear heart, but only in the privacy of a limpid pool. However, you specified boys only, you discouraged conduct puns and you forbade fish puns.

broken biro said...

No fish puns? *gets coat and goes off in a huff with her chums*