Monday, February 19, 2007

Get your trousers on - you're nicked.

Let me warn any of you out there tempted to watch the drama series called “Lewis” that it is just as fatuous as “Morse” ever was.

I stopped watching Morse when I realised that every episode featured at least two, but usually three people getting murdered, with the ace detective having failed to detect any of the guilty parties, followed by a chase at the end in which he failed to prevent someone else being murdered. Lewis is different. The episode I just watched feature two people getting murdered, with the ace detective having failed to detect any of the guilty parties, followed by a chase at the end in which he failed to prevent someone else being murdered.

Morse is dead, I expect he and three of his family were murdered.

The series is set in Oxford. There are now more dead bodies in Oxford belonging to people whom Morse and Lewis failed to protect than there are live inhabitants. I guess the citizens are not paying enough in local taxes. I hope Lewis turns up in the new series of “The Wire”. His accent is not quite impenetrable, but he is certainly dim, and I suspect that he would be murdered within the first ten minutes. I for one would applaud it.

The pretentiousness around the series is also emetic in its effect. There was a scene in the recent episode which featured a string quartet playing in a chapel. It had nothing to do with the plot, but I suspect that there is some contractual obligation with the burghers of Oxford that forces the TV production company to portray the city as a centre of culture. This is reinforced by the tepid dirge of “music” that accompanies the action. It is a different tepid dirge to the Morse theme tune, but very similar in effect. It will shortly be released on a CD called “Music to mourn the passing of your gerbil by”. Oxford is not a centre of culture, it is just an ordinary town with lots of old buildings. Some of you may be fascinated by old stuff, but, as I have said before and hope to live long enough to say again, I just don’t get it.

And now if I say that I am yearning for the days of Regan and Carter, my non-Brit friends will think that I have lost my political bearings.


Dave said...

I only saw two minutes of it, but that was enough. If only you had written this review last week, you could have allowed me to put those irreplaceable minutes to good use.

Vicus Scurra said...

Sorry Dave, I have been adopting the practice, up until now, of writing reviews after I watch things.
I don't normally do requests, but here is my carefully considered review of next weeks "Lewis":
It was shite.

Mr. X said...

Quite! There's bugger all on TV worth watching these days, especially spin-offs of things that were only OK-ish in the first place.
- Or am I just becoming a grouchy old git as well?

Rol Hirst said...

I liked Morse, despite the flaws you point out. The idea of giving his thick, comedy sidekick a show of his own is just ridiculous barrel-scraping though.

What's next? Watson? Danno? ...Medavoy?

Vicus Scurra said...

Welcome Mr X. Do not sell yourself short. There is no "just" in becoming a grumpy old git. It is an art form that is undervalued.
Rol, I could have tolerated Morse if either he solved a few cases, or wasn't surrounded by trying to make Oxford seem as if it is a deeply mystical place like Lhasa or Rishikesh. Just remember that Robert Maxwell used to own the football club, and it was home to a factory making really average motor vehicles, and it will put it all into perspective. And I don't care if he didn't have a first name - Prince and Madonna are twats as well.
You seem to forget previous sidekicks who went on to great fame - Andy Crawford who moved to San Francisco and became the first leather clad gay homicide cop, and 'Fancy' Smith from ZCars who went on to fail to climb Everest.

Richard said...

My friend Chris played PC Clyde in 25 episodes of Dixon of Dock Green. He never got his own series or got to climb bare-arsed up K2. Although he may have walked up Mow Cop in a coat.
Still, Life on Mars tonight, so it's spot the anachronism. Two so far: red Trimphones (1979) and Allegro panda cars which I'm sure are a trifle too early for summer 1973. Apart from that, it's great. Anyone fancy a Vesta Curry?

raincoaster said...

You ARE, by the way, the only leftie critic still commenting at Boris' site. What's his connection to all these murders? The People are counting on you to discover the link.

tom909 said...

Maybe Lewis is the first detective that isn't a one-legged alcoholic womaniser with some crap historic car and a gambling habit. No wonder the programme doesn't work.

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom. He fucks goats though.
Raincoaster. Boris is pristine and devoid of all guilt. I am sure that he has a great future.
Richard. Mow Cop. Say no more.

Wyndham said...

Lewis is rather a mundane name for a detctive theses days. They should rename him Lewis 10 and give him a special watch which allows him to use the powers and importantly, mannerisms, of different TV detectives. I'm going to work that up as an idea.

realdoc said...

If you are missing Regan and Carter you can always watch Life on Mars. I suspect it has already jumped the shark though.

Richard said...

What is this shark jumping that young trendies are harping on about?

kat said...

"Jump the shark" is from "Happy Days," a truly lamentable-if you cared enough-American TV show from the '80's. They had a episode, well, nevermind. It means "bite the big one".

I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't get Morse. He just seemed to watch a lot of people get bumped off, and then drank too much when he realized that he let them get bumped off because he was drunk. Over and over again. Or something.

Vicus Scurra said...

Kat. You are so right. As is everyone else who agrees with me.