It will not have escaped the attention of my more keen sighted readers (AMToNW) that this week’s episode of “Lewis” was penned by good old Alan Plater. Therefore we had a succinct and witty script, whereby such absurdities as appear to be integral to any cop show these days were cleverly disguised. I doubt whether Knacker of the Yard, or even Knacker of Oxford intersperses his conversation with quotes from T.S.Eliot in the real world, but it does make for entertaining television, and gives Mr Whately a chance to prove that he has some acting talent. Lewis, assigned to guard one of the main protagonists managed to be standing next to him when someone shot him. (Are you still with me? Do you know who was shot? Do you care?) This is far more in keeping with the image portrayed by our real boys in blue these days. Gross incompetence. But let that not detract from an episode that redeemed last week’s drivel, with witty dialogue, some nice photography and even a story in which the mystery was solved by detective work.

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Some of you will wonder whether I attended the Oscars this year. Unfortunately, my presence drives Judi Dench and Helen Mirren into a jealous frenzy, and they have to be separated by security guards. I attended the after ceremony party by video link, where I managed to “dance” with Penelope Cruz by means of young Danny Craig holding a laptop computer at Penny’s face level during a particularly tortuous waltz. I find these events more tiresome, which may be due to my getting old, but quite honestly I think that I have heard virtually every dull tart in California burst into tears and thank their therapist at least three times.