Several of you – you know who you are – have attempted to draw my attention to the television series “Life on Mars”, as it occurred to them that I might find it preferable to the dismal and dim “Lewis”.

I watch “Life on Mars” anyway, as it falls into the category that I make a point of watching – i.e. “any old rubbish”.

I have to tell you that “Life on Mars” does not match up to the standards of “The Sweeney” (which wasn’t one of my favourites, anyway). I will try to justify this statement.

The leading characters are portrayed in a mediocre fashion. Philip Glenister does not match up to John Thaw as Regan. The actor playing thingy, you know, the other one, reminds me too much of someone who used to be in Coronation Street – Trevor? Martin? Penelope? – I dunno. The whole series is too much of a caricature. Tonight’s episode featured the good old chestnut of a bent copper. This time a detective superintendent who was organising armed robberies. Every third rate series uses that device as an indication that the writers have run out of ideas. “Dalziel and Pascoe”, which has long since dropped out of the bottom of the “any old rubbish” category, even had one episode where they arrested the Chief Constable and his assistant. So, sorry, it did not do the trick.

My all time favourite Brit cop series was “Strangers”. It had the lead parts played by Don Henderson and Mark McManus (looked a bit like Alex Ferguson. On the day that United lost twelve nil to Arsenal), and had Thorley Walters and sometimes Richard Vernon to raise the standard even further. It was clever. I quite like that. I don’t mind stuff that you don’t have to think about, but clever is best.

I suppose I am going to have to write a series myself. I might subvert Wyndham’s idea of investing the hero with the characteristics of different detectives, and give him a really silly superhero power, such as the ability to curdle milk by power of thought. Although Wyndham’s idea bears some investigation. I would like to see Lewis dressed as Miss Marple (the Margaret Rutherford version of course), and that buffoon Lynley dress as Columbo.

“Between the Lines”. That was a good one. Tom Georgeson, he’s a bloody good actor isn’t he? And yes, I know given that what I said about bent coppers earlier it is not without some irony that I commend a series that was about nothing else, but this is my bloody blog, and I can do what I like, so shut it.