Hello! Hello! Are you still there?

I am obliged to my dear friends at Livescience, (yet again, they are just so damned funny) who reveal this week the little known (according to them) secrets of the micro-organisms that live on our skin.

Among other gems is the revelation (we all knew this didn’t we?) that each of us have our own unique combination of species, and in some cases may have bacteria that inhabit only us. How they will ever prove this, short of flaying each one of us, remains to be seen.

Once again our friends in the scientific community dwell on differences rather than similarities. Here they are gravely mistaken.

Like our race, dwelling on the surface of this once beautiful planet, they have more in common as far as their worries and aspirations are concerned than is generally acknowledged.

They spend their days in selfish activities, busying themselves with conduct that will ultimately destroy their host, and only in the latter days do they start to question their actions.

My bacteria recently held a conference (a sort of expanded United Nations, if you will) where they discussed such nonsense as why their planet had been expanding throughout its life, whether this was normal, why the north pole was changing colour, whether there was a meltdown in the north polar ice cap, and why, although beauty had never been an outstanding feature compared to nearby visible planets, a marked aesthetic deterioration was occurring.

None of them seemed to grasp the very simple concept that their own activities were responsible for much of this, and with some careful planning and sensible behaviour they might work together to prolong the life of the planet for enough time for them to find a way of safely migrating to another similar life supporting one before it eventually burns out.

I have been trying to tell them this for years, it is vital that to humanity that my existence is prolonged, but the stupid little fuckers won’t listen.