Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Hello! Hello! Are you still there?

I am obliged to my dear friends at Livescience, (yet again, they are just so damned funny) who reveal this week the little known (according to them) secrets of the micro-organisms that live on our skin.

Among other gems is the revelation (we all knew this didn’t we?) that each of us have our own unique combination of species, and in some cases may have bacteria that inhabit only us. How they will ever prove this, short of flaying each one of us, remains to be seen.

Once again our friends in the scientific community dwell on differences rather than similarities. Here they are gravely mistaken.

Like our race, dwelling on the surface of this once beautiful planet, they have more in common as far as their worries and aspirations are concerned than is generally acknowledged.

They spend their days in selfish activities, busying themselves with conduct that will ultimately destroy their host, and only in the latter days do they start to question their actions.

My bacteria recently held a conference (a sort of expanded United Nations, if you will) where they discussed such nonsense as why their planet had been expanding throughout its life, whether this was normal, why the north pole was changing colour, whether there was a meltdown in the north polar ice cap, and why, although beauty had never been an outstanding feature compared to nearby visible planets, a marked aesthetic deterioration was occurring.

None of them seemed to grasp the very simple concept that their own activities were responsible for much of this, and with some careful planning and sensible behaviour they might work together to prolong the life of the planet for enough time for them to find a way of safely migrating to another similar life supporting one before it eventually burns out.

I have been trying to tell them this for years, it is vital that to humanity that my existence is prolonged, but the stupid little fuckers won’t listen.

17 comments:

zoe said...

oh shit, so you're still alive ? got the card yet ?

Vicus Scurra said...

No, I haven't got the card, you daft bugger.
You have to post it before I can receive it.

ziggi said...

Oh Vicus, so you have a clestial body, I always imagiined it thus

ziggi said...

C E L E S T I A L

not ziggi said...

and I know I spelt imagined wrong as well but I can't be bothered to correct that.

Former Frontier Editor said...

I'm not sure if Ziggi was trying to spell celestial or ecclesiastical . . . .

BOSSY said...

Bossy's unique combination of species have a crush on Vicus Scurra's.

Vicus Scurra said...

It appears, thanks to Bossy, whoever he or she is, that this site may well become the foremost bacteria porn site.
Then you wonder why I take a break.

Pamela said...

I never wonder, dear Vicus. Never.

zoe said...

post it ? ah. anything else ?

ziggi said...

"bestial", actually, now I think about it . . .


it's snowing!

Miramar Michael said...

Velcome back.

Any chance of weaving your Blogger magic and updating my link to MiramarMike (http://miramarmike.blogspot.com) - frank ewe.

Vicus Scurra said...

Done Mike.
Any one else - let me know. I don't check the links here, and don't use them very often, so please advise.

broomhilda said...

I had heard rumors of your demise...oh dear! I suppose I can get a refund on the party supplies and red dress...I don't know if I can get a refund on the fertilizer I ordered for your grave site (I'm told that it is a particularly fine grade of Bullshit). I guess I'll just send it to you instead.
BTW - did you ever receive the ferrets?

Dave_M said...

Greetings from China~~~~~~~

Dave said...

This Chinese bloke is popping up all over the place. Is it your fault Vicus?

Homo Escapeons said...

Look Out Al Gore here comes Vicus with his latest film
An Inconvenient Itch.
What a great analogy, consider it stolen.