Monday, February 25, 2008

Remorse

These days I try to leave the business of television criticism to my articulate friend Willie Lupin. Well, he is either an articulate friend or a very bizarre form of decoration.

I cannot, however, let the beginning of a new series of “Lewis” go without a tiny comment or two.

Seldom can a series have got so far up itself. Highbrow ITV is one of the great oxymorons of our time. Have a crap detective show, throw in a couple of references to Shelley and Turner, try to make a joke out of it, and pretend that the joke is very clever, and you have a winning formula. And then they have that awful music in the background. Endless shots of Oxford, minutes of pseudo intellectual drivel, followed by a quick explanation about why someone had done something to someone else, as if anyone gives a monkey’s anymore.

This weeks plot involved two Oxford tutors/dons/whateverthefucks, supposedly amongst the cream of British intelligence, launch a scheme to earn money by enlisting the help of some mentally disturbed people to forge documents by Shelley. This is the poet Shelley. I am not a fan of his work either (although I thought that Hywel Bennett made a good fist of playing him. I can see that dissatisfaction with bourgeois life would provide sufficient impetus to compose Prometheus Unbound.)

This nonsense was written by Alan Plater, normally very reliable. There must have been an “any old shit will do” clause written into his contract.

Lewis is a widower. His wife killed herself rather than play a part in any more of this drivel. I am hoping that he will get it on with Sergeant Hathaway. And very soon. I am not normally a fan of man on man action (either by way of participation or viewing (I know this will disappoint so many of you)), but I suspect that only a thorough rogering by Lewis would be enough to wipe the smug smile off of Hathaway’s face.

16 comments:

Homey said...

I have no idea what you just said but I find myself suddenly overwhelmed by the prospect of receiving "a thorough rogering" from a couple of Oxford whateverthef*cks in the middle of the night.

Tonight I shall sleep with the lights on and one eye open.

MJ said...

I have no idea what you just said either (we're both Canadians, you see) but I find myself overwhelmed by the prospect of receiving a thorough todgering in the middle of the night.

Kindness said...

I too am at a loss for words but yet I commented.

Richard said...

I was waiting for this. I too was amazed that it was written by Alan Plater because it wasn't a patch on "Oh No it's Selwyn Froggit".

Dave said...

I too have no idea about what you are drivelling, and I live on this side of the water.

What is this ITV of which you speak?

Vicus Scurra said...

It's the channel you watch with your left eye, cyclops.

Dave said...

'eye TV' I geddit.

Rol Hirst said...

I still can't believe they're making this nonsense. Morse must be spinning in his grave. Even worse, all the reviewers (yourself excluded) seem to love it.

Vicus Scurra said...

Morse, Rol, really?
I gave up watching it very early on. It had all of the flaws of Lewis, with the additional ludicrously high body count. He always seemed to work out who had done the murders after after the fifth victim, and rushed to fail to save the sixth. By that time there was only one suspect left. Alcoholic twat. He would have fitted in quite nicely as head of the drug squad described in my earlier essay.

dinahmow said...

Remorse was what they should have felt, not repeat Morse.
And aren't the crossword clues bloody lame!
Cocoa and an early night, I think.
Alan Plater? Really?

Pamela said...

I'm afraid to even ponder that whole 'rogering' thing, so I'll just picture kittens and puppies and butterflies instead.

Dyna Girl said...

"His wife killed herself..." HA!

Betty said...

Is it obligatory for lead characters in "highbrow" ITV dramas to be widowers? The fact that they're grumpy or slovenly or eccentric can then be put down to the fact that they're not getting their oats. Married men wouldn't have the time to devote themselves to solving crimes, being grumpy, slovenly, eccentric, etc.

Carmenzta said...

Even Dave has no idea what Vicus is prattling about, so I don't feel so badly. At my place of employment I am surrounded by "WETF"s so I can empathize. For what that's worth!

Vicus Scurra said...

Carmenzta, Dave was just being silly, pretending that he did not know about a popular television series, because it is on one of the popular channels.
"Lewis" is the type of character normally played by Chuck Norris.

tom909 said...

I'd better take a look at Lewis. I kind of see Vicus a bit like The Guardian - if they give something a bad review it's usualy pretty good.
But as pained as I am to do so, I do have to agree on one point - no bollocks, I don't have to at all.