Monday, April 14, 2008

Prizes for anyone who can make sense out of this.

I hope that none of you missed the rather bizarre new episode of “Lewis” that was on at the weekend. Intriguingly they have moved it to Sky Movies. I think this is a good thing. There are less advertisement breaks. This means that the fucking thing is finished more quickly.

Anyway this episode was almost surreal. It was called “Becoming Jane”. Hathaway went undercover to infiltrate a group of loonies, one of whom thought she was Jane Austen. This poor deluded woman (played by an actress called Hathaway – what the fuck are they doing?) may have dressed as the silly old trout Jane Austen (she is a neighbour of mine, as you well know) but had none of the wit or dexterity with words. Poor Hathaway was meant to get into her knickers, (in the usual rather than the literal meaning of that phrase), but obviously failed, as he was pining for Lewis. It must have been agony for him. I am not sure where Lewis was in this episode. Perhaps he was so deeply undercover that I failed to spot him. However as no one was murdered (the majority of the action took place in North East Hampshire, after all) there was no need for him. Had I been the director then that is one thing that would have been remedied. There are few scenes less likely to have me yelling for a serial killer or a troop of psychopathic Samurai than a circa 1800 country house ball. What a bloody dire scene that was, a bunch of upper class twats moving around exchanging meaningful glances. Either a troop of psychopathic Samurai or Sid James would have done the trick.

I have a slight suspicion that the splendid Kevin Whately may actually have been the female lead, although, if this was the case, then the relationship between Lewis and Hathaway was very strange indeed. I give up. My reason for suspecting this is that the loony who thought that she was Jane Austen often lapsed into an accent that I could have sworn was Geordie. Even stranger, Hathaway’s undercover character was called “Wisley”, which is almost an anagram of Lewis. In one scene, the lead female, who may have been Lewis, joined in a game of cricket. Had she managed to get into the England team, her nickname would have been “Lewisy”, which would have been an anagram.

I really don’t understand what was going on. Perhaps one of you more familiar with the homosexual lifestyle would care to comment and perhaps remove some of my confusion.

I am sorry if all of this is less than lucid. (Not that anyone would have noticed the difference).

Anyway, the episode also featured Maggie Smith and Ian Richardson, and managed to completely avoid using their thespian excellence – quite an achievement.

One of the main threads of the plot seemed to be a conceit that suggested that Jane Austen had a bit of a shagless affair with that bloke out of “Shameless”, and drew on this relationship in order to produce her literary works. What a load of bollocks. They will continue this theme with Shakespeare bumping off his missus in order to find inspiration for Othello, Dostoevski murdering old women and Dickens being guillotined.

More worryingly, if this experiment proves successful (and who is to say what criteria equate to success when we are presented with such dire entertainment) then the next episode of Lewis might find him and Hathaway relocated to North East Hampshire. I suppose that they have already bumped off every academic in Oxford, so why not. If they do move down here, then I shall be more circumspect about my home security – evidence suggests that no one is safe with those two clowns in senior positions in the local constabulary. Please be vigilant. If anyone does manage to bump off Ms Austen, then I am the obvious next in line. I have often considered a career on the stage or screen, but don’t really fancy playing a decaying corpse while Lewis and Hathaway mince around discussing my soft furnishings.

21 comments:

Donn said...

What on earth are you going on about? "Upper class twats moving around exchanging meaningful glances and having shagless affairs?" I'd rather watch paint dry.

Why is Jane Hathaway, Mr Drysdale's secretary on the Beverly Hillbillys, doing women on Upstairs, Downstairs? I suppose that Jethro's inability to commit drove her to play on the other team.

Perhaps Jane Austen, who is Steve (Six Million Dollar Man) Austin's wife, is seeking lesbian favors because Steve's willy wasn't one of the parts that they souped up?

It all sounds quite pedestrian.

Vicus Scurra said...

Donn, don't ask me what I am going on about. I am not obliged to make sense.

Dave said...

I do not have Sky (although there is lots of sky in Norfolk) and I have never watched this Lewis nonsense even when it was on terrestrial television.

I am consoled that I can read your blog at no charge, and thus save myself a small fortune.

Richard said...

I really am none the wiser and haven't a clue what you're on about. Is this a flashback? Even though Sharon has installed Sky here I resolutely refuse to watch anything on a channel prefixed with the name so I watched the excellent Mr Fry and some friends on BBC 4 rebuild an approximation of the first Guttenburg press (although I hasten to add that earlier in the evening I was much taken with a demonstration of the absorption power of the Super Chammy, (£19.99 comes with Super Broom and and Super Brush))

KAZ said...

I am probably your only reader who has seen both the Hathaway and Whately versions...which is no help at all.
Inevitably - both suffered from the absence of John Thaw.

I, still, ♥ the views said...

erm, does it count if my children watched Midsomer Murders and I Waking the Dead. . .

thought not

I, still, ♥ the views said...

well, unless you'd predicted the end before it finished, it seems you didn't watch Waking the Dead (unless you recorded it to watch it later)

;-)

Vicus Scurra said...

ILTV. Bugger! I tried to record WTD but for a technical reason, it failed to record tonight. As it is not repeated this week, I shall have to wait several weeks before I can comment on this one. I fully intended to watch it, as Trevor Eve is so far up himself you can see the crown of his head in his throat when he opens his mouth. It has become just as silly as Lewis (and started off not so far away, anyway). I was going to be so scathing. Anyway, to sum up, I am not sure what your message meant. (Much like most of the rest of them).

For the rest of you, particularly the colonials, I feel obliged to explain this post. It was composed late and night, and I knew that it was not well structured, but I wanted to get it out of the way.
"Lewis" is a cop show on Brit TV. It varies between less than satisfactory and crap, unless your taste is toward the possibility of steamy man on man action, which I am sure will happen sooner or later. It is pretentious, it is set in Oxford, and usually has some eccentric academics as characters, and loads a few references to something to do with their field of study into the script in order to appeal to those with intellectual ambitions. Typically four people get murdered, 3 of them while Lewis and his catamite dither around trying to work out how to tie their laces, and are then involved in a failed dash to prevent one of the only two possible remaining suspects bump off the other one.
"Becoming Jane" is a movie. It is crap. One of the characters is played by Laurence Fox, who also plays the part of Lewis's assistant.

I, still, ♥ the views said...

(you were on the net at about ten to ten, so I thought you'd switched off with disgust because the plot was so predicatable! either that or you hadn't watched it)(or had recorded it to watch later)(what do you mean you don't understand my messages?)

Pamela said...

I'd like to say that I read your entire post but alas, I just skimmed it after that first outburst.

So, you're giving away prizes now?

Dave said...

BBC i-Player; it makes the unmissable missable, or somesuch. You could watch WTD at work.

Vicus Scurra said...

Pamela. You don't read it, and then ask questions. That is tantamount to impertinence.
Dave. Thanks for the tip. Waking the Dead is what I do for a living anyway.

Gordie said...

Waking the Dead is currently the top featured show on the BBC iPlayer page here. It contains 'moderate violence' apparently, which suggests a lack of conviction. As do shagless affairs, come to think of it.

Thank you for swearing.

Vicus Scurra said...

Gordie. Thank you. And it's a fucking pleasure.

Lin said...

What kind of a prize?

Vicus Scurra said...

Lin. Probably the greatest prize of all - the satisfaction that comes from overcoming a major intellectual obstacle.

Pamela said...

vicus darling, you say I'm impertinent like that's a bad thing.

Vicus Scurra said...

Pam. You know that you are very naughty. Don't make me come over there with the spanking stool and the restraints.

raincoaster.com said...

It's an allegorical exploration of the epistomological trialogues in the films of the Marx Brothers.

I thought that was obvious?

frontiereditor said...

Shame that Christopher Isherwood isn't alive. He's crib the 18th century soiree with meaningful glances scene from "Frankenstein, The True Story" and have Michael Sarrazin come in to bowl with Jane Seymour's head.

That might bring some sense and sensibility to modern British crime dramas.

Or at least crib the scene where Jane Seymour is naked in a tankful of primordial fluid of life . . . .

frontiereditor said...

Oh, I meant 'He'd'

Damn

Hope that helps the ol' cuss-o-meter.