I think that it is an opportune moment, while everyone who one talks to is obsessing about the world snooker finals, to bring you up to date on the latest happenings in the Houses of Windsor.
Since the immense success of the wedding – I hope you have all seen the pirate video that has been circulating on the web, where they tied up Rowan Williams and had Rowan Atkinson re-enact his role from 4 Weddings, and do an alternative blessing – Camilla has been barely able to sit down. Those of a critical disposition might say that she is a little bit full of herself. She has taken to addressing herself orally and in writing as “Her Majesty Apparent”, or HMA for short. This is all very well within the confines of the family, where they are used to her high spirits, but secretly there is concern that these japes may overflow into the public arena.
Liz confides that she would love to abdicate “Nothing I’d like better than to spend my afternoons down the bingo at Chiswick, or picking up bargains in the BHS sale, but I can’t really leave the family firm in the hands of these wallies. Heaven knows what they’ll get up to without my vigilance.”
Indeed, despite their raucous private behaviour together, on the world stage Liz seems to prevent Camilla from letting her hair down. Worries about Camilla bursting into giggles during the one minute silence on Remembrance Sunday, or mooning behind Charles during the Christmas broadcast abound. They always have a horse or two to take the blame in case Phil lets one rip at the Cenotaph, but who could justify hyenas?
In the midst of this Charles remains unchanged – bewildered and increasingly unworldly.
Camilla’s latest prank was to stick a carrot up the exhaust pipe of Andrew’s Range Rover at Highgrove. Not content with that, she did the same thing to Anne’s horse. The poor creature was alarmed and terrified, brayed like a thing possessed and left a trail of carrot flavoured dung all over Charles’ organic azalea garden. The horse was similarly distressed.