My friends at the BBC report that a man was taken to hospital after being bitten by a spider going about its business in the banana section at Sainsbury’s.
We arranged for his shopping to be dropped at home after the incident, and are extremely sorry that this may have caused him distress.
One can view this statement as either:
1) An apology for the embarrassment caused to the customer when his neighbours realised that he was still shopping at Sainsbury’s. “Did you see that, our Ryan? What’s wrong with Waitrose – it’s good enough for us. He’s never been better than he should be, that Mr Trellis. And now he’s got the cheek to show off that bloody spider bite as well.” Sainsbury’s should at least have arranged to have his groceries placed in a Harrods’ bag prior to showing him up like that.
2) A paltry attempt at compensation. What will prompt Sainsbury’s to be more generous – a pensioner savaged by a pack of Coyotes in the baked bean aisle? A pre-school child contracting cholera in the organic yoghourt section? Gangs of marauding shelf-stackers randomly mugging pregnant mums in the shampoo section? “I am sorry, Mr Trellis, that you suffered a near-fatal accident as a result of our negligence, so we thought we would drop your shopping off for you. That will be £34.47 + £8.50 delivery (tip discretionary) – Are you saving your rewards?”