Sordid details of the affair between David Beckham and Patricia Routledge

This is particularly for the attention of those strange characters who visited this site after typing the phrase “Ant a Dec 's private pictures” into Google.

Firstly, welcome. The title of this journal indicates that I have the broadest agenda for discussion, and will only exclude those who seek to harm others (or anyone who irritates me). Have a look round, and stay awhile if anything takes your fancy. Refreshments are available.

Secondly, learn that the GIGO principle applies to search engines just as much as other software.

However, I should point out that you are unlikely to find what you are looking for here. I am not being judgmental or unwelcoming, but I feel that it is incumbent upon me to inform you that I am unaware of the existence of any private pictures about those gentlemen. I might be interested, should the subject of the private pictures be the sort of thing that I infer from the fact that 93.854% of search engine inquiries are the result of a desire for bizarre sexual gratification, although my interest would almost certainly stem from amusement rather than arousal. I know very little about Ant and Dec. I mentioned them here once as names plucked from the ether, as I know that they appear on Saturday evening television. One lesson that the years have taught me is that nothing is to be gained by watching television on the mainstream channels of a Saturday. Even when I was young and TV was a novelty, I found ‘Dixon of Dock Green’ lacking in excitement, and what followed in the schedule to be in the range disappointing to crap. It would take more than a little persuasion to convince me to experiment in the hope of being proved pleasantly incorrect.

It is sad that only the perverts come here (I have nothing against perverts, I number many of them among my close friends) and not those for whom this forum is intended – the confused, those seeking comfort and wisdom, and the socially challenged. (I have nothing against the confused, those seeking comfort and wisdom, and the socially challenged, I number many of them among my close friends).

If you are really looking for pictures of Ant and Dec engaged in mutual unseemly acts, then I suggest that you contact your local member of parliament, or your political representative in the unlikely event that you live outside the UK and have heard of these chaps.