Thursday, March 09, 2006

I am feeling elated

As I was just commenting to my new friend and quasi-cousin Richard, I am rather proud of the fact that Theodore and Evadne Google have placed me second on their list of most popular web sites for those typing the phrase “I am being fellated” into their message box.

I am of the view that we should be circumspect about delving into the motives of those who visit the Googles. Theodore and Evadne are remarkably non-judgemental, which is one of the reasons that I am so fond of them, but this does mean that, sometimes, they fail to discriminate sufficiently, and some of their visitors are less than charismatic.

So, under what circumstances would one type the phrase “I am being fellated” into a search engine? If all is well with the world, and the energy is flowing nicely and all that bollocks, then there are millions of people being fellated at any given time. I doubt, however, whether there are millions being fellated while at the keyboard. I am at the keyboard, but not, as far as I can tell, being fellated – I have had to have a stern word with Penelope Cruz about that, and so far she is behaving with more decorum. So, given that there are not that many people simultaneously practising their keyboard and Joe Blob skills, how many of them would need to let the world know about it by seeing if anyone else has used the phrase in recent times? What would be gained by this? Given that Theodore and Evadne have not yet made their application real-time, what are the chances that you could find someone in a similar situation and compare notes with them?

Most of these questions are rhetorical, and I would not want my blushing virtual friends to be indiscrete by being over-descriptive here, but maybe, having used the phrase “I am being fellated” several times, I might get to number one in the charts, and the next time my mysterious visitor wants to share his (or her?) experiences with us, he (or SHE?) would be so kind as to leave an explanatory comment.


Richard said...

Try again, I think you will be surprised by your promotion. If you add "by Stephen Hawking" by way of an experiment then surprise is guaranteed.

Vicus Scurra said...

No, I tried again and was still only second, to Jon of Warwick who appears to be writing about John Major being fellated. I could not risk going to his site to investigate.
Even more disappointing, when I add quotation marks, I do not appear at all (yet).
The four sites listed are:
One about "Aneros Prostate Massagers", prizes will be awarded to the submitter of the most amusing slogan for that campaign.
One from gaydotcom message boards
One from a website called "Dogs on Acid"
One from a website about "I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue", which makes no mention of fellatio on the linked page.
All of these sites are, I am sure, better written, more interesting and accurate than mine, and may well get repeat visits.

Fifth Cousin Once Removed said...

What an amazing discovery. I may just sell this story to the "The Sun".

Richard said...

It must be geographical. Obviously we're filthier in the mid North-West.Try this:

Vicus Scurra said...

No, I still see Jon's Blog ahead of me.

Betty said...

I've just checked Google and you are now number one, with Jon of Warwick "going down" to number three.


Vicus Scurra said...

Sorry readers, for misleading you in this important matter.
I am number 1 at, but still only number 2 at

GreatSheElephant said...

finally I understand search engine optimisation. Praise be.

Vicus Scurra said...

Hello gse and welcome. Apparently you believe that you have learnt something by coming here and are grateful. In this regard, you appear to be in a very small minority.