My new friend, Kill them with Kindness, has written about being involved in the perfect wedding.
Here is my plan for a wedding. I will not charge you for the ideas.
Option 1. Don't have it. Just live together.
Option 2. Get it done as quickly and cheaply as possible. It should not take more than 30 minutes plus traveling time, cost less than £50, and involve no more than 4 guests. I will never be one of the guests.
There, you have saved people hours of pointless time, money and stress. Thousands of men all over the world will be grateful by not having their weekend sports viewing interrupted by some ghastly and obscene spectacle involving daft tarts in silly hats, listening to the ramblings of some twat you don’t know talk bollocks, seeing some hideous crone dressed like an extra in a very perverse porno movie being referred to as “the beautiful bride” and attempting to digest inedible, badly prepared food in an atmosphere loaded with tobacco, alcohol and cheap scent.
Thank you for that, I can feel the Christmas spirit coming up on me already.