I feel that I have been a little harsh on the deep feelings of humanity that are expressed at this time of year, and need to share something very beautiful that I witnessed today, in order to redress what might appear to some to be a balance in this journal that has been thus far loaded in favour of cynicism and ill-humour.
A colleague received an email greeting in Spanish. He parsed it through those nice people at Babelfish, and was delighted to receive the message “A happy christmas and a prosperous new anus.” I filled up. How refreshing that we can share these life-transforming and intimate moments with each other. This is, indeed, the christmas message.
But, let us not stop there. It matters not to me whether your anus is new, old, remodelled, recently decorated or hideously disfigured. Without prejudice, I declare my sincerest wishes that it becomes, or continues to be prosperous.
I recognise that I have strayed from the true path of righteousness, and am now stumbling back towards it. Your warm wishes will help in this quest. Please, however, desist from too much detail about the progress or condition of your anus. Some people, oddly, find it not to their taste (dde). I will return, unopened, any missives with unnecessary detail. This includes length prose or verse, explicit descriptions of any sort, photographs, drawings or etchings and tubes of “Anusol” or “Preparation H”.