Thursday, December 21, 2006

Joy to the world.

I feel that I have been a little harsh on the deep feelings of humanity that are expressed at this time of year, and need to share something very beautiful that I witnessed today, in order to redress what might appear to some to be a balance in this journal that has been thus far loaded in favour of cynicism and ill-humour.

A colleague received an email greeting in Spanish. He parsed it through those nice people at Babelfish, and was delighted to receive the message “A happy christmas and a prosperous new anus.” I filled up. How refreshing that we can share these life-transforming and intimate moments with each other. This is, indeed, the christmas message.

But, let us not stop there. It matters not to me whether your anus is new, old, remodelled, recently decorated or hideously disfigured. Without prejudice, I declare my sincerest wishes that it becomes, or continues to be prosperous.

I recognise that I have strayed from the true path of righteousness, and am now stumbling back towards it. Your warm wishes will help in this quest. Please, however, desist from too much detail about the progress or condition of your anus. Some people, oddly, find it not to their taste (dde). I will return, unopened, any missives with unnecessary detail. This includes length prose or verse, explicit descriptions of any sort, photographs, drawings or etchings and tubes of “Anusol” or “Preparation H”.

20 comments:

Kindness (disarms the difficult) said...

That was a beautiful moment. Thanks for sharing.

It is my wish to you that all your orifices will become or continue to be prosperous.

Merry Christmas and happy New Year to you and Mrs. Scurra. Thanks for making me laugh!

MJ said...

A prosperous anus is always preferable to an anus horribilis.

Adam said...

A friend of mine told me that he was once drinking with his friends at his college, when one of them, after apparently getting too drunk, admitted to having an 82 year-old man's anus. Apparently, he had needed a transplant, and he recieved one from a dead man.

True story.

No, the "friend" in this story was not me. Just wanted to prevent a bad joke that would have been too easy to make.

aseay- An easy ass-based joke.

Frontier Editor said...

In the course of my training for my new (and hopefully temporary) employment, I learned something that I regret more and more with each passing day.

Our corporate trainer helpfully told us last week that Preparation H is readily adaptable to the role of cold sore remedy since it numbs and soothes the affected area.

I considered relating my Brine Eno comment from last month, but quickly realized that I might let slip with a comment including the phrase 'ass face' and then held my tongue, figuratively speaking.

Dave said...

Truly moving.

I shall try to incorporate this sentiment into every service I take between now and Jan 2nd.

Murph said...

Soothing a smart-arse is not always easy - inserting a good looking Swede may help.
Happy Christmas Vicus!

awaiting said...

Here's to enemas,a colostomy, suppositories and a very happy New Year!

geoff said...

I'm about to float my anus on the stock exchange.

betty said...

People have a tendency to request a bit of anal action at this time of year when booze has made them more "convivial".

A sincere, Perry Como-style Christmas greeting to you and the long suffering Mrs Scurra.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you all. I'm filling up again.

realdoc said...

Merry Christmas vicus, may i extend my best wishes to you and your anus for the coming season.

Richard said...

Excuse the tardiness,

Seasonal felicitations to you and yours.

Dyna Girl said...

Nice moment,Butty.

Pamela said...

Well if that isn't the living end.

ziggi said...

Merry Christmas
XX

Richard said...

Sorry, I didn't really get into the spirit of that. It was late and I'd been shifting hay earlier in the day, which is work alien to these delicate bones. Don't you just love these back-end of the year celebrations?

Sharon J said...

I'd love a new anus and the bits that are attached inside. Do you think babelfish could fix that for me?

MERRY CHRISTMAS MY DARLING CODGER!

Scooterdeb said...

I keep wicket for the Quakers.

Merry Christmas and what have you!

Vicus Scurra said...

Scooterdeb! Welcome. We welcome everybody here. Unless you are Margaret Thatcher.
1) I am pleased that you service the Quakers in this way. It is amazing how careless they are with their wickets.
2) My christmas may not be merry, as I try to ignore it, but I am up for a merry what have you.

lucien de la peste said...

I hope you make piles of money in your new anus.

Rich but uncomfortable.