Sunday, June 24, 2007

Muntjacs

What a strange few days it has been. I was mindful of the advice to be wary of those that one had only met on the internet, but am delighted to report that the 3 fellow bloggers I have met this week lived up to all of my expectations and were exactly as I had imagined them.

Has it really been a week? It seems like only a couple of days ago that I was with Tom in his Torquay penthouse. We didn’t get to spend much time chatting, as he was negotiating deals to expand his mining interests in Ecuador, and to reunite the Joe Loss Band for a world tour – you will be sad to note that he failed to do this in time for Glastonbury. I found the high powered business environment a little speedy for my taste – always some lackey or another dashing in with questions or documents to sign, but Tom, despite the frenetic pace at which he lives his life remains cool, without a crease out of place, and always wearing the trademark Armani gold tie.

Mark’s lifestyle is equally bewildering to me – we called in during one of his exotic dance routines at the “Pole to Pole” nightspot in Cambridge. I have to say that he is exceptionally supple for an octogenarian, and he gets away with those costumes in a way strangely reminiscent of Peter Stringfellow. We made our excuses and left before the finale – I don’t mind what people do, but don’t always want to watch it.

Then this afternoon Dave fell over my threshold, kicking a passing cat, pausing to vomit on the godetias, and complementing one of my neighbours on “her rack”. The street was then entertained by his pointing out a young lady who was, apparently, only a roadbuilder’s daughter, but she liked her asphalt. I was not aware that it was possible to obtain alcoholic beverages in North East Hampshire of a Sunday, but Dave obviously has a nose for that sort of thing. This is not a personal comment – his gigantic crimson proboscis is due, he assured me, although in a slurred manner, to hereditary factors.

13 comments:

Richard said...

You will be pleased to note that even though I have been in Kent all week, I was not tempted to make the short journey westwards.

Reg Pither said...

Tell me more about the lady with "the rack". Is she morally casual, does she own an off-licence and can she travel?

Pamela said...

You do lead an exciting (imaginary) life don't you?

Can you tell me when I'll be by for a visit?

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard. As if.
Reg. Please do not attempt to further disrupt the serenity of North East Hampshire.
Pamela. I detect that you are questioning the veracity of my article. That is not the way to solicit an invitation.

Phil said...

It's all true, I assure you.

This post may, or may not, be by the name shown. Dave may be on his travels.

zoe said...

i only met 3 bloggers this weekend - although it may have been more. friday seems like eons ago. i simply know that you're dying to meet me, vicus - try coming over here and collecting all your christmas cards ?

Vicus Scurra said...

Zoe. I was more concerned with quality rather than quantity. Should I ever alter that criterion, I will be knocking at your door.

zoe said...

how thoughtful of you. let me know in advance so that i can gather them all up then, dearie.

Pamela said...

Did you ever get my Christmas card, Vicus?

Watski said...

You never wanted to meet me, you cantankerous bugger.

homo escapeons said...

I was insanely jealous of your social activities but I found it impossible to stay angry with you thanks to the zany comment about the roadbuilder’s daughter who liked her asphalt.

Believe it or not, here in Whateverpeg the great unwashed pronounce asphalt as if they were impersonating an agitated, drunken, Reichsmarschall Herman Goering yelling at the top of his lungs,

"ASZHVAUHLT!"

How pedestrian.
However as fate would have it,
I myself do not and I enjoyed your joke immensely.

Vicus Scurra said...

Watski! We are all coming round to beat you to a pulp forthwith.
HE. We are all coming round to beat you to a pulp forthwith.
Where is Canada? Somewhere near Ipswich? Preston?

Mark Gamon said...

Ah, the old Pole to Pole. It's a home away from home for expat Warsawians, I can tell you.

Please do drop by again. I'll take you to the Czech to Czech next. It's more expensive, but the beer's better.

The invite is of course open to everybody...