Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Laugh? I nearly read Dostoevsky.

I had an email today (I sure know how to grab your attention with a dynamic opening statement, don’t I?), which reported that the sender was “LOL”. I get nearly as many of these as I see people “Lolling” when they see me in the street. Amusing as I undoubtedly am, I am suspicious of the literal veracity of the statement. It is probably nearer the truth that in this case and many others, the sender had just been mildly amused by something that I had written, and wanted to convey the information that they had at least noted the attempt at humour, if not actually found it funny.

“Lol” aside from being ubiquitous and therefore annoying, is hardly the best description of the activity, in particular, “out loud” seems a tad redundant. I cannot recall laughing in any other way. Maybe if Margaret Thatcher were to be publicly beheaded, I would laugh so much that my vocal chords would cease functioning, but that is only speculation. There seem to be two other variants of abbreviations to convey finding amusement – roffling and lmaoing. I have, in the past, roffled, albeit on not many occasions. I now, on medical advice, try to avoid it, indeed, very little gets me out of my chair. I find it a very comfortable place to loll and lol (geddit?). I have never lmaoed, and do not believe that this has ever been done by anyone else. I am not sure whether lmaoing is higher on the scale of hilarity than roffling. I suspect that the amusement induced by lmaoing would be very short-lived, and quickly transmute into an expression of incredulity and distress.

I think that we need new expressions to describe degrees of amusement. Perhaps some of you would like to come up with suitable abbreviations to replace lolling and lmaoing, leaving roffling to be pretty much the ultimate accolade, short of dropping dead of laughter, or excreting all of your internal organs in merriment.

Can you suggest shorthand for the following:

  • “I read your email and detect that you were attempting to be humorous. While not finding anything note-worthily funny, I acknowledge that you did your best, and will not, on this occasion, report you to the laughter police for underachievement”.
  • (This one is really for use when meeting someone in the world outside of the internet). “I am making a noise, which I would be embarrassed to hear if it were played back to me, that may cause you to think that I found your comment to be funny, but is actually an attempt to discourage you from further communication because I find you crass and boring, please go away.”
  • “Yes, that was funny and caused me to smile. It did not cause me to “l”, or “lol”, but please do not be discouraged by this.”
  • “I am laughing, but at you, not with you.”
  • “That was so funny that I have excreted all of my internal organs. Do you have a bag that I can use to keep them in, please?”


Cherrypie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cherrypie said...

Rofpml is, of course, the highest accolade.

I suspect you don't get too upset by such abbreviations, but simply used this as a device to tell us someone, somewhere, once, thought you were funny.

Roflmhopml= date-rate drug commonly administered by didgeridoo

Vicus Scurra said...

I know who posted that first comment, what they said, and about whom.
Rofpml might be the highest accolade, but not a very nice spectacle.
I do not need to broadcast my wit, Mrs S always laughs at me.

Reg Pither said...

LINE - "Laugh? I Nearly Excreted!"
FART - "Funny Although Rather Timeworn."
BUMHOLE - "Bloody Useless! My Hopes Of a Laugh Evaporated."
AFFABLE - "As Fucking Funny As a Boiling Lead Enema!"

Vicus Scurra said...

Reg probably wins. But don't give up, the rest of you.

Pamela said...

I give up

Dave said...

For several years I thought LOL meant Lots of Love.

So I'm probably not much help.

Mr. X said...

So what's wrong with the more traditional "Piss off!", then?

Sorry, that's just a little d├ęclasse for here isn't it?

How about "Please initiate some sense of funny fathead"

We'll go and wipe the blackboard again, shall we?

Vicus Scurra said...

Pamela. Please clarify that "I give up" does not mean that you are easy.
Dave. No, you are not much help, but don't feel bad about it, we have such low expectations of you.
(Has anyone else noticed how much easier it is to be rude to someone once you have met them?)
Mr X. You know very well that on this site we are not at home to Mrs Rude.

First Nations said...

#4 is a technical follow -through.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you, FN. I am not sure exactly what I am thanking you for.

Richard said...


Made a condescending yawning-like noise

Dave said...

I've had no telphone line for 3 days; have managed to cobble together a connection so that I can read your blog, only to find you haven't bothered to write anything new since I was last here.

Pull yourself together man.

Vicus Scurra said...

What's the point my writing stuff if you are not here to read it, you daft bugger?

awaiting said...

All of mine would contain a string of profanity to the point that the person on the receiving end would have no choice but to lose my email address and never write to me again.

Murph said...

I remember when all this was fields. I mean, er, Dave.

Reg Pither's bumhole gets my vote.

ziggi said...

No 3 - that's a bit like a B-
(I expect more of a B+ if not an A- from a site of this calibre)

raincoaster said...

Someone tried to slip me some roflmhopml once in a chat room.

Dave said...

OY!! Here am I, desperately hanging on to the internet by a piece of copper wire in the main socket, and a nail in the fusebox, and still manage to post my holiday pictures for your entertainment.

So what, after a five-minute wait to get to your blog, do I find? The same old drivel you posted last week.

We demand fresh entertainment.

We demand it now.

homo escapeons said...

I give up too.
Reg handily 'pithered' the competition and I know when I've been licked...
it's a figure of speech..
Bravo old chap, well done!

dave is right!
Someone needs to walk over to the Scurra estate and put a mirror under the old man's nose and insert the oversized rectal thermometer (apparently it is easier to read) to see if the Old Vic is still viable as a transplant donor.