Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Crap through the letterbox

A loyal reader (a Rev. Trellis of North Norfolk) has suggested that I might like to share my feelings about a certain 84th birthday that has been reported in sections of the media. I am suspicious that there is mischief in this request, and that the requestor feels that I might be moved to a rise in blood pressure when writing about this subject.
Let me make this clear. I wish the lady in question a long (albeit miserable) life. I am determined to dance on her grave, and her continued existence bodes well for my continued health and fitness.

However, after venturing from my hearth today, I returned to find some literature on my doormat (you see, the title of this little essay is descriptive rather than imperative).
From the Tory Party! ROFL!
It contained the headline “When Times Are Tough, Trust the Conservatives!”
I suspect that they ran out of space. Can you suggest a suitable conclusion to that sentence? I can think of lots.
Points will be awarded for the most creative answers.
And what do points mean?

Thoughtfully they have included on the leaflet a cut-out-and-return section with the imprecation “Let us know about your concerns”. I have replied “You keep pushing crap like this through my letterbox”.


Anonymous said...

Last time times were tough, I left the country. Note that I have not returned.

w v is shkeys. I suspect a couple of letters are missing. An o and an n, perhaps?

Dave said...

I no longer life in N Norfolk; S Norfolk is now more accurate. I have moved from the dubious shelter of a Liberal MP to the security and long-term protection of a Conservative.

I met Mrs T once, you know. She's a lot shorter than she looks on TV. Just like the Queen. Bless them both.

I, Like The View said...

When Times Are Tough, Trust the Conservatives to use too many capital letters

Geoff said...

When times are tough, trust the Conservatives to make them tougher.

Vicus Scurra said...

... to be the cause.
... to blame everyone else.
... to crap on the poor.
... to indulge in unnatural sexual activities in order to deflect attention.

Rol said... employ a bum-faced, bicycle riding gimp to grin us all to an inane death.

Who's 84?

If it's Queeny, will she sent herself a telegram in 16 years?

Or is it Mags?

I don't know, I don't pay attention to the news.

Unless it involves Spider-Man or Morrissey.

Richard said...

Lie to you as they always have done. So, no change there then. Can I invoice for this?

Rog said...

I'm really impressed that Dave has met Mrs Trellis

zIggI said...

I have nothing to say on the subject of politics



MarkG said...

... to blame everything on 'benefit scroungers'.

I thought you were talking about Queenie for a minute. Then I did my sums and realised your vitriol was well and truly flowing in the right direction.

I'm not sure vitriol does actually flow, but you get my drift.

Perhaps it drifts.

'Drifting Vitriol'? I may just form a band...

Christopher said...

I am merely lurking innocently, as Damon Runyon might have written, and holding Mrs T. in high regard because once, when I am due to preach a stand-in sermon to her boiling over with home truths, she bows to craven discretion, fails to show and sends in Sir G. Howe to receive the censorious pulpit finger instead - I am remembering all this, as I say, when I notice the w v is 'packi'.

I see.

Christopher said...

...and when to satisfy my vanity I look to see if my comment really has been saved, I see the new w v is 'bedme'.

Vicus, I think there may be certain things we should discuss.

Vicus Scurra said...

Christopher - Alas, discussion is far as I am prepared to go.