Saturday, October 24, 2009

Welcome to Kali Yuga

It is a strange day for news at the Torygraph. When there is a shift in its policies, one fears for the future of civilisation.

1) Cue for old joke.
It says that one person in five would consider voting for the BNP. There are five in my family, but I am not sure which one is the right winger – mum, dad, me, sister Stalina or brother Franco. I think it must be mum.
2) It reports on a book which says that pets are bad for the environment and that people should consider eating them. I was so incensed that I telephoned the palace to complain, but was told that Liz was busy, apparently making a Corgi Khorma in the kitchen. “A medium-sized dog has the same impact as a Toyota Land Cruiser driven 6,000 miles a year”. No, really, that is what it says.
3) “Woman gives birth in midair”. It transpires that she was on an aeroplane, so not such an entertaining spectacle as I had imagined.
4) A woman from Accrington has won £240,000 for biting a poisonous worm while on holiday. The worm was in her dinner. No matter what the financial incentives, little will tempt me to abandon my annual 10 days in Mablethorpe.


Over on twitter, by contrast, there are thousands of people suggesting “one letter off movies”.
Scaryduck is (and how could it be any other way?) the winner, with “The Shiting”. Although I thought my entry – “King Solomon’s Mints” was not without merit.

Contributors are welcome here for those too poor to afford Twitter, but I must warn you that they will all have been done already.


Dave said...

I now subscribe to the Torygraph web site and saw that 'eat your dog to save the planet' article, and felt sure you'd have something to say about it.

Thank you.

Hope this helps.

Richard said...

You could eat your Toyota Landcruiser instead.

Probably am too poor to have Twitter but were I as rich as Croesus I doubt I would engage with its delights; I still have the vestiges of a life.

Brighton Cock
Schindler's Lisp

and Deborah Kerr's little known deviation:

The King and O

Zed said...

The Twat claims that I'm the right-winger in our family of five as I'd vote for them by mistake.
He thinks that Herman has the carbon footprint of a moped and that he was glad to see that the woman who gave birth in midair was in a plane and not, as he thought, a trampoline.

Other than that, everything is normal here.

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave. Yes, of course it does.
Richard. Told you they'd all been done.
Zed. Nice to hear from you, and thanks, I done a lol.

Richard said...

I am please that everyone on Twitter thinks the same way as me. I don't need it then, do I.

Tim Footman said...

I liked King Solomon's Mints as well. Not very much, but I did like them.

KAZ said...

'Gone with the Wine' sounds like my kinda film.

Donn w/2nz said...

I'd give Stalina a second look?

I can't be arsed to put anything up on's just there for those frequent occasions when Facebook freezes up.

Whenever we have Corgi everybody fights over the legs.

Rol said...

Surely they are 'one letter changed' movies. One letter off movies would be...

Tar Wars



The Odfather

(I picked example from the 70s, then you might actually know what I'm taking about.)

And... Twitter? You disappoint me.

Vicus Scurra said...

Rol. Thank you for your consideration. I admit that "off" is not such pleasant usage as "changed", but perhaps more accurate, as changed does not imply added or subtracted but merely substituted.
As for one method of twatting about on the internet being better or worse than another, well, each to his own.