Tuesday, September 27, 2005

This, that and definitely not 'the other'

A miscellany of thoughts this evening.

1) My 8000th visitor joined me here this evening. He/she/it came via the website of that nice Mr & Mrs Google, looking for “East Worldham”. Why?
East Worldham is a settlement in NE Hampshire, famous for its unsightly hill, which all of my efforts to have removed have so far foundered.
I am ranked fourth in the list of authorities on East Worldham. I do, however, have valuable advice for anyone wishing to go there. I may share that advice some day.

2) Bob Dylan is currently on television, along with a load of other addled creatures from my generation. I have some Dylan CDs, and a selection of his songs on recordings by others – I enjoy listening to them. However, I can not understand anything that he says, and have sufficient confidence in my own judgement for this not to trouble me in any way. Anyone wishing to make a study of his work should first read the story of the Emperor’s new clothes. Just remember that the prize twit Bob Willis changed his name to Bob Dylan Willis, and you will have some idea of the importance of this man’s contribution to modern culture.

3) No matter how bad the cricket commentators are, they cannot approach the knuckle dragging nonsense spouted by the soccer commentators. I wish someone would explain to Clive Tyldesley the meaning of the word ‘ironic’. Preferably with the aid of boxing gloves.

4) I smiled, for the first time, at dear Adam’s website entry this evening. You know, the Star Wars thing. Was it really your own idea Adam? You will soon to be smart enough for elementary school in the north.

5) Back to Theodore and Evadne Google, who I must call to get them to improve their software. Disclaimer: I am providing the following information on the basis of finding out the means by which the adoring population of the world comes to my little journal here. I have not used their software to search for these items, and offer no judgement on those who do.
I am, according to T & E, the 6th most important authority on ‘preschool pervert pictures’. This does alarm me, somewhat.
I am ranked only 8th for information on ‘Kaliyuga’. Don’t these people read my writings?
On the positive side, I am the leading reference point for ‘Sophie Wessex September 2005’. Quite rightly, but do not expect me to be indiscreet.


Mark Gamon said...

Do you mean 'can't understand anything he says' (in which case your TV may need some fine tuning)? Or 'can't understand anything he writes' (in which case that's alright ma, most of the rest of us can't make sense of it either).

yffjr. A gay Cornish Piskey.

Vicus Scurra said...

I say what I mean, and mean what I say, which is the same thing. Go ask Alice.
He mumbles inarticulately about nothing of very interest. I could discern the words with some effort, but this proved to be not worth the effort. To use the modern vernacular, he appears to be a considerable way up his own arse.
As for fine tuning, I did. I changed channels.
wbtlcwl - why bother to listen - change wave length.

Mark Gamon said...

Oh well. Ya cain't please all of the people all of the time, and ya cain't please part of the people part of the time (or something like that). I didn't expect him to tell us anything new, after a lifetime of dodging the question. But I thought he got interesting in the second half, when he talked about recording Like a Rolling Stone.

Am I boring you yet?

vyargkr. A Kaliyugan expression of disgust, usually directed at the TV.

Betty said...

The thing which always puts me off Bob Dylan more than his music is his fans - it seems you have to view his music, his life, everything about him as if they were events from the Old Testament. If Bob had a bout of constipation in April 1966, you can be sure someone somewhere has written a solemn 10,000 word article on the repercussions it had all around the world for the next decade.

Oh, some of his music is alright, granted.

Alan said...

Ah, young Theodore and Evadne have me as the worlds leading expert on Paula Radcliffe Poo Photo, even though I don't actually have a Paula Radcliffe Poo Photo. You'd think they would give top spot to someone with a Paula Radcliffe Poo Photo wouldn't you. Incidentally I am just saying Paula Radcliffe Poo Photo here as much as possible to try to push you up from your current rather pathetic 263rd most knowledgable Paula Radcliffe Poo Photo position, so that you too can enjoy a bit of the Paula Radcliffe Poo Photo action.

Mark Gamon said...

Betty - his fans can get very sad indeed. That's one reason why he don't talk much, I suspect. Forget the fans and enjoy the writing, I say. But be very selective with the music, which varies from the sublime to the unutterably ghastly.

I'm having a Dylan day here. What fun.

joaxnijt. The sound of Joan Baez singing uncharacteristically offkey. And in Finnish.

Mark Gamon said...

Vicus - I fed my name into Google and found Gamon International of Illinois - 'changing the way you buy soup'.

Sometimes I just want to burry my head in my hands and cry...

Vicus Scurra said...

Snap out of it.
Write a 300 word essay on how you would buy soup.
ibrrvld - area of Illinois where they do really different things with soup.

Mark Gamon said...

There. Sometimes all you need is a bit of tough love. I feel better already.

zoltd. Blown away by the classic guitar stylings of legendary Lovin Spoonful alumni Zolman Yanovsky.

Adam said...

Yes, I really did think that up all by myself. Although I think it was over a period of days. In fact, I may have actually first begun working on that particular gag around 1999, when I discovered that there actually WAS a Widescreen version of the Star Wars Trilogy, and someone mentioned to me that "It makes it so you can actually read the words."

Also, the Bacaholics story from last week, while entertaining, is absolutely true. So I can't say I'm too clever as far as that one goes.

There. I think I've managed to excuse away most of my supposed cleverness for now.

As for Google results, I am #2 for "who discovered the disease hepatitis C vicus." Really.

voon- Something that only naturally grown mattresses from a distant planet can do.

//Oh, I get it...
///does a Google search for "ylwglt"
////nothing...I suppose I'll have to do this myself.

ylwglt- An Uzbek stew made with the eyes of small pigs.

Mark Gamon said...

You see? We CAN all get by without Google.

broomhilda said...

uzpmdry - singing in a voice sounding rather like a 100cc Kawasaki that reved up at random intervals.

Mark Gamon said...

Oh I see. It's no longer necessary to leave a comment at all. Just a definition. Jolly good.

0xuzy. An ox, you see.