I have declined the opportunity to be involved in the campaign to elect Zara Phillips as “Sports Personality of the Year”. This despite her all round prowess, which would be worthy of the most accomplished pentathlete.
In addition to her well known equestrian activities, and her slightly less reported involvement in Thai Boxing, discus throwing and trampolining, she has shown the sort of all round talent that characterises the entire family.
It is her plan to represent
My view is more for the safety of the other players. I was at the recent game with the royal party, when in the line out, Zara jumped for the ball, and the momentum caused her more than generous breasts to swing wildly and concuss a Saracen’s player, (giving new meaning to “loose-head prop”). Anne herself is known as “Iron Tits” in the family circle. More than one person has been caught out when standing behind her, and not anticipating her suddenly swinging round. It is in this lack of fairness that my objections to her activities in this area are based.
Camilla, of course, had to have her say. “I was captain of tiddlywinks of my house at school,” she enthused, “perhaps I could be on the programme as well.” “Fuck off, Cams,” I told her, “John Motson will almost certainly be there, and remember how pissed off you were, the last time you got mistaken for him? Even though he was much better dressed than you. And we had best draw a veil over the incident when you took part in the charity relay race, and tried to take the baton from Linford Christie.”