Thursday, July 05, 2007

Talking Cak. The definitive study.

There it is, hidden in the more overgrown parts of the Telegraph online, an article about whether men talk more than women.

Before you all dash over there, chatting as you go, I should point out that the article is by some called “Science Editor”. This of course, completely discredits any of the arguments that he is putting forward.

Some bright spark, this time from the University of Arizona, (my wonderful nephew is a student there*, how proud I am), has worked out that on average we all use 16,000 words per day. Women use slightly more than men.

Most of the words used, according to the study, are of the form “Will you stop trying to count the number of words I use, and listen to what I am saying, you odious little tit, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE AND IF YOU TELEPHONE AGAIN I WILL COME OVER THERE AND RAM YOUR PHONE SO FAR UP YOUR ARSE THAT IT WILL DISLOCATE YOUR VOCAL CHORDS, YOU TOTAL TWAT” or “Right, that’s it, I’m on my way over with my scrotum slicer”.

More importantly Dr Mehl (for it is he), overlooks the issue of quality as opposed to quantity. Step forward the Brit version of time wasting tossers, Dr Robin Dunbar of Liverpool University.
“What we do seem to find is a difference in the way men and women use conversation: women’s conversations seem mainly to be about networking, whereas men’s tend to be more advertising.”
Networking, my arse. Anyone who uses that word forfeits the right to be taken notice of.

No, both men and women talk complete bollocks 98% of the time. This is done in order to try to ignore our plight. Lost and confused, spinning around a dying sun, no idea why we are here and completely unable to come to terms with the ephemeral nature of our existence. Still, mustn’t grumble.

*This may no longer be true. He was planning to move to the University of Northern Arizona next academic year. “Where’s that” I asked. “Northern Arizona”, came the reply. I really love him.

21 comments:

Dyna Girl said...

I love you.


Was that he two percent or the other 98?

Reg Pither said...

Dear Aunty Vicus,

I have just finished totting up my words for the day and, exclusing expletives, I have only used 14,787 (sorry, 14,808, sorry 14,809, sorry.....)
Am I pregnant?

Yours,

Concerned of Northern Arizona.

Richard said...

You have rather spectacularly stolen my next post, or rather, large parts of it. I will however, press on regardless later this evening.

Vicus Scurra said...

Dyna, your not knowing kind of answers the question, doesn't it? But I love you too.
Mr Pither, if you excluse, or indeed exclude, expletives you are breaching the rules of the survey. If you include your expletives, you manage to bring the average of the entire species for the day up to 130,276 words. Wash your mouth out with soap and fucking water.
Richard. Never be put off by others writing about the same stuff. Each of us must be firmly of the conviction that ours is the clearest and wittiest view in existence. That is the totally self-deluding view that I hold, anyway.

Dave said...

I find I use up my quota of useless words writing comments on your blog.

This leaves me more time to speak pithily elsewhere.

Vicus Scurra said...

Well pith off then.

Reg Pither said...

Right! The opening shot has been fired. Let "literals wars" commence!

Hoosier said...

I'm surrounded by men and women who never seem to run out of words and yet, never seem to really say anything.

What kind of life must one have to sit about counting the words people use? ANd do they have to actually listen to whats being said, do you think?

Vicus Scurra said...

Sorry Hoosier, what were you saying? I wasn't listening.
Hey everybody she's back! I used to read her blog when I was still in short trousers, and had never seen female naughty bits - that would be last week.
Hoosier is so old that she still uses Bravenet.
Go and pay her a visit, have a slice of pie and let her tell you all about what's been happening the last 2 years.

JolietJake said...

You've been tagged by Eight Things. You!!

Foilwoman said...

Vicus: You left out the salient point. The three talkers who used the most words (over 40,000) were men. And it was all about sports. And sex. With belching.

Sharon J said...

It's good to talk.

I, like the view said...

I'd just llike to add that having studied speech and language at university (albeit many years ago), it is anatomically possible to shove something up your *rse and dislocate* your vocal chords

(*well, damage them at least)

so be really careful!

I, like the view said...

(oops - too many asterixs in that, but hopefully you know what I meant)

(what is the plural of asterix?)(they didn't teach me that)

Vicus Scurra said...

Foilwoman. That's what men do to get you to leave the room. Then we talk about the interesting stuff.

ILTV, so you studied speech? They taught you about shoving things up your arse, but not about how to spell asterisk? Or how to add an 's' to it? Further, you are not free from ambiguity. Is it possible to dislocate your vocal chords only if you have studied language at university? That sounds improbable.

I, like the view said...

what was it that Sherlock Holmes used to say, "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?"

;-)

and please accept my sincere apologies for getting my punctuation mixed up with a French cartoon character, but you know what I'm like about punctuation and all things French. . .

:-)

Pamela said...

Vicus dear, quality over quantity is something I .....

I forgot what I was going to say. Let me begin again...

Vicus Scurra said...

Pamela. I love you.

broomhilda said...

My Dear Viccus!

thats all...

homo escapeons said...

"This is done in order to try to ignore our plight. Lost and confused, spinning around a dying sun, no idea why we are here and completely unable to come to terms with the ephemeral nature of our existence"

Thank You.
You have perfectly just summed up what I have been trying to say on 275 postings...don't tell Al Gore or any of the concerned musicians how much 'energy' I wasted.

Vicus Scurra said...

HE. Thank you.