Friday, May 23, 2008

What a silly girl I am.

When I lived in Crewe, not much happened. That is the kind of place that it is, and the residents, by and large, are fairly happy with that state of affairs. It is the sort of place to which one goes in order to do nothing. To be inconspicuous, anonymous and not given to displays of public excess.

How things change!
When I was there, not once was there an occasion where the Leader of Her Majesty's Most Loyal Opposition was fellated by a high court judge in the town centre. At least during daylight.

In fact, I do not understand what has become of the good inhabitants of the town. Any suspicion of such behaviour would have resulted in political rejection in my day. I suppose that I must be getting old.

I shall not be watching the news on television or reading newspapers until after the next general election for fear of being presented with a picture of Mr Milliband being buggered by a squirrel or Norman Clegg of the Liberal Democrats being recognised by someone. It is more than my delicate constitution can tolerate.

When I lived there, most of the things that were done to offend the sensibilities of the locals were perpetrated by me or my friends. I did not last long.

I would not like to give the impression that Crewe was some backwater. Tom visited once, and found it much too exciting, and quickly returned to Talke Pits.

Without wishing to be over judgemental or hasty, it appears that Crewe has elected the sort of representative that it deserves.

12 comments:

Pamela said...

"delicate constitution"

Thank you so very much for the most excellent laugh. I needed that!

Dave said...

'I suppose that I must be getting old.'

A truer word you have never spoken.

Vicus Scurra said...

Pam. You certainly did.
Dave. Which word? You have narrowed it down to eight, but I am anxious to be better informed.

Dave said...

'I am anxious to be better informed.'

That, at last, explains why you read my blog.

Who could forget my monograph on the difference between Corinthian, Doric and Ionic columns?

KAZ said...

Norman who?

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave, the reasons for the reading of your blog are among the great theological mysteries. The standard response when asked why anyone reads it is "buggered if I know".
Kaz. I do not know how to answer that question without being patronising.

Mystic Mog said...

Oh Mr Porter - You are Awful !! (But I like you)
Har Har
cheers
Mog

tom909 said...

It is true, I did visit Vicus in Crewe, circa 1970. And it is also true I found the whole place somewhat overwhelming. Lots of houses in rows - what's that all about - and nowhere to put your cows and sheep.
But to be fair, I was made very welcome - I suspect thaat was down to the large lump of dope I had at the time.
Please note: it is not clever, grown up, or funny to smoke dope, but at the time it was jolly good fun.

zoe said...

I've been through Crewe! Twice! Errr - and that's all I can say about the place. The station looked like any other station ... but I wasn't there for long.

Richard said...

Listen, don't blame me I wasn't allowed to vote!

The only things most of the electorate were concerned with were their pockets hence Tory boy getting in. The most disgraceful things I've seen post election have been the editorials from people like Tony Parsons in the Mirror who patently haven't ever been near the place and have made judgments based on what they've read in the papers or seen on the news. That twat Parsons made out that immigration was a major factor when it was barely mentioned by any party. Most of the local population are pretty grounded when it comes to the local guest-workers. As for the back-biting nasty campaign that was portrayed by the media - BOLLOCKS! It was a by-election, people get called names and things are said that maybe shouldn't have been. If you want a completely unbiased and non-made-up version of events, don't use the mass-media because they're all liars. They lost the election for Tamsin Dunwoody or Liz Shenton - we've now got the candidate the bastard press wanted, not the electorate. It makes me very annoyed.

Richard said...

Even that judge was added after the event. Bloody Photoshop.

Donn said...

I have heard that public fellation was once considered Crewel and unusual punishment, my word how times have changed.

I would have fit right in with you lot back in the day..sporting our Crewe cuts and Crewe neck sweaters singin' 'Crewel To Be Kind' by Nick Lowe.

Good Times.