Some of my older readers (a Mr East of Trellis Wales) will recall that some time ago I was encouraged to take part in one of these electric internet experiments whereby one uploads a photograph (of oneself for best results) to see if any famous person bears a resemblance. 9 out of the 10 matches only matched because they had similar glasses to mine (spectacles, you dullard, please pay attention). The only person not to wear glasses who was deemed to be the S.I. of me was Andie Macdowell. This was, of course, no great surprise to me, and at the time I thought little of passing it on to you, as I know you hunger for titbits about my activities.
In addition to being obviously hugely attractive, the lady is a very fine actress. In one film, I recall, she was obliged to indulge in some heavy shagging with that prize turd Hugh Grant, and managed to get through it without throwing up.
Alas, the revelation has had rather sad consequences. It appears that the good lady has developed some anxiety about the comparison, and is to be seen regularly applying unguents to her aging skin in sundry television advertisements. It would be nice if someone could assure her that, even though her complexion is never likely to match the smoothness and freshness of mine, she isn’t doing too badly for and old ‘un.
There is no secret to my exquisite epidermis. I owe it all to my healthy lifestyle, my strict diet, my cheery disposition and my general benevolent and optimistic view of the activities of my fellow human beings.
18 comments:
that's all very well, and thank you for all the useful information, but I feel sorely mislead by the title of this piece
I may lodge a complaint
please point me in the appropriate direction
Dave will explain the title to you. He may not have seen it as I wrote two posts in quick succession.
You are quite right Vicus, I did miss it the first time I came here today.
Early dildoes, in many parts of the Mid-eastern world, consisted of dried camel dung coated with a hard resin.
Hope this helps.
so, basically a dildo is like a potato or a tomato
(that is, you add an e when it is pluralised)
ILTV. I misled you when I said Dave would explain the significance of the title. Not for the first time he has disappointed me. As to the use of vegetables as dildos, I defer to your greater experience, but would ask that you curtail the more graphical descriptions here.
I think a tomato would be a bit squashy to use as a dildo. But I expect you know best.
See http://www.sexscrolls.net/dildo.html for more details of the use of camel-dung.
I think you are both trying to make me come
*
to a different conclusion that the one I was aluding to
(*and I'm not rising to it)(obviously)(perhaps you have conveniently forgotten that I don't do rude)
blast
now you're making my typing go all wonky. . .
to a different conclusion than the one I was aluding to
and how is alude spelt? allude?
word ver: in a spot (of bother, presumably)
I thought you only didn't do rude on your own blog?
strangely, I don't do rude anywhere
I'm not that kind of girl
*sticks out tongue in a provocative manner*
That's not what Vicus told me.
When you two have finished using my comments box for flirting like a couple of eleven year olds, please let me know - there are others waiting to speak.
I am disappointed that you have not worked out the title.
whatever Vicus may have told you. . .
I don't do rude and I'M NOT FLIRTING
*pouts*
actually, maybe life would be more fun if I did. . .
*light blub appears over head*
And we'll have no blubbing here.
I am disappointed that I have not worked out the title.
I put it into Google - your site came up first, and then the one to which I gave the link.
I gave up after that.
And I thought that you were adept at Scrabble.
light bulb
*frowns*
anyhow, I don't blub - I sob
dear sweet Vicus, when you wrote this:
I owe it all to my healthy lifestyle, my strict diet, my cheery disposition and my general benevolent and optimistic view of the activities of my fellow human beings
I, personally, had no idea you were referring to either Dave's knowledge and/or familiarity with vegetables and their various uses, or Scrabble for that matter (and I won't suggest what he might have been scrabbling for, either)
I hope you accept my humblest apologies for my part in bringing this comment column into possible disrepute and I apologise to anyone else who felt unable to comment because they didn't want to interrupt Dave's flow
I really was not trying to encourage him
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