Some of you may take solace from the report in today’s Torygraph, which shows that our brethren in the scientific community do not use the celebrations as an excuse to take rest from their important research. The report says:
Prof Roger Wotton, from University College London, found that flight would be impossible for angels portrayed with arms and bird-like feathered wings
“Even a cursory examination of the evidence in representational arts shows that angels and cherubs cannot take off and cannot use powered flight,” said Prof Wotton. “And even if they used gliding flight, they would need to be exposed to very high wind velocities at take off – such high winds that they would be blown away and have no need for wings”
“Fuck him”, said a clearly tired and emotional archangel Raphael, when tracked down to the Elohim and Otter public house, just outside Ipswich. “Tell the twat that reindeer can’t fly either, so that’s bollocksed up his Christmas, hasn’t it? Teach him to be a smartarse.” Raphael, clearly unwisely having begun his festive celebrations a tad early was then led away by two members of the Suffolk constabulary. “This’ll be three points on your flying license, my son”, quipped one of them.
Later the European Confederation of Cherubim, Seraphim and Allied Heavenly Aviators issued the following statement. “Professor Wootton is clearly talking out of his arse, which is ironic as his research has shown that this is as unfeasible as angels being able to fly. It is time that members of the scientific community desisted from trying to second guess the mysterious workings of the Almighty, after all, He could beat them in a fight any day. I expect that the Angel Malik is preparing to welcome Rog in the near future.”