Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Hark, the herald angels plummet.

Some of you may take solace from the report in today’s Torygraph, which shows that our brethren in the scientific community do not use the celebrations as an excuse to take rest from their important research. The report says:

Prof Roger Wotton, from University College London, found that flight would be impossible for angels portrayed with arms and bird-like feathered wings

“Even a cursory examination of the evidence in representational arts shows that angels and cherubs cannot take off and cannot use powered flight,” said Prof Wotton. “And even if they used gliding flight, they would need to be exposed to very high wind velocities at take off – such high winds that they would be blown away and have no need for wings”

“Fuck him”, said a clearly tired and emotional archangel Raphael, when tracked down to the Elohim and Otter public house, just outside Ipswich. “Tell the twat that reindeer can’t fly either, so that’s bollocksed up his Christmas, hasn’t it? Teach him to be a smartarse.” Raphael, clearly unwisely having begun his festive celebrations a tad early was then led away by two members of the Suffolk constabulary. “This’ll be three points on your flying license, my son”, quipped one of them.

Later the European Confederation of Cherubim, Seraphim and Allied Heavenly Aviators issued the following statement. “Professor Wootton is clearly talking out of his arse, which is ironic as his research has shown that this is as unfeasible as angels being able to fly. It is time that members of the scientific community desisted from trying to second guess the mysterious workings of the Almighty, after all, He could beat them in a fight any day. I expect that the Angel Malik is preparing to welcome Rog in the near future.”

20 comments:

Richard said...

I hate to be a pedant so close to the festive season but really, I can't let this go. It's "flying licence". If you remember "Advise" (verb) and "advice" (noun) you really can't go wrong. Otherwise, well done.

Vicus Scurra said...

I am only the messenger. This is what the officer said.

Dave said...

I read the whole article earlier today. He was talking about angels portrayed in art, not the 6-winged versions described in the Bible (Isaiah 6:2).

Also Charles Wesley, when he wrote the hymn you plagiarise, didn't write about angels, that's alater addition. He wrote 'Hark, how the welkin rings!'.

Hope this helps.

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave. He was very wise to change it. I can't abide the sound of ringing welkins.

KAZ said...

I feared for the safety of our Rog - then I realised you meant Prof Roger Wotton.
But should I know about Angel Malik?

Vicus Scurra said...

Kaz, I can allay your concerns. The angels are very fond of our Rog, although that may alter if he fails to make a dreadful pun in the comments on this thread.
According to my Moslem friends, the angel Malik controls the entrance to hell, so you probably won't meet him. I have a lifetime pass.

Rol said...

He obviously knows very little about magic.

I, Like The View said...

the way I remember the ise/ice thing is that "ice" is a noun

I hope this helps

zIggI said...

Sing a Carol - Verb Noun - that's how I remember, and seasonal too.

Happy Christmas Vic XXX

Clippy Mat said...

most informative re verbs and nouns.
thanks for clearing that all up.
my word verification is Wotton.

really.
;-)

Christopher said...

Angel, from Gr. Αγγελος = messenger. How you must have flown!


w v = doseflu

Thanks, but I'm all right so far. It's good of you to ask, though. Happy days.

I, Like The View said...

seasonal solicitations to you and yours, Sir Scurra (what? you haven't seen the New Year's Honours List yet!)

with very best wishes and lots of lentils from

I,LTV & Mini-Teen, Teen Too, The Teen

Mel said...

How is a greener than green blogger reading the Torygraph of all papers?!

My evangelising hope has now risen to starry heights and you might even make it to Bright Blue one day.

Vicus Scurra said...

Mel! I read the Torygraph because it is free online, and a great comfort to me because it never changes.
More to the point, does David Cameron know that you are over here reading this subversive tripe?
For those of you wondering what the delicious Mrs C-W is doing slumming it over here and to what she is alluding, I merely commented recently over on facebook that the new group she has joined is the oxymoron of the year. Bright Blue.
I shall never vote Tory, Melissa, even if the only other choice is Hitler's granny.

moreidlethoughts said...

Whether you go for all the jolly frivolity or not, I hope you have a happy time.
May your ascerbic wit stay sharp in 2010

tom909 said...

It is unbelievable to me,

a) that people don't believe in angels.
b) that people can be arsed to discuss how to spell words.
c) that Errol Flynn's cock was eleven inches long.
d) that we may soon be living under a Tory government again
e) that I even for a moment think that is going to make any difference.

Happy Christmas Vicus

Donnw/2nz said...

He's bloody well right!
Angels would need to have hollow bird-like bones and weigh under 50 pounds... even those huge Pterasaurs never wieghed over 40 pounds :)

Betty said...

Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings. That's all I have to say about the matter.

I want to thank you for the Christmas card which has given us untold joy.

I, Like The View said...

hope you've had a lovely day, Vicus

(-:

Geoff said...

Tom's right. Errol Flynn didn't use it as a rule.

We had an angel in our bird bath this morning. It was a thing of beauty.