Thursday, January 07, 2010

Spare me a moment, please, Mrs Bennet, and you better bring half a pound of your finest butter with you.

Much as I hate to select the less savoury aspects of the news upon which to comment, I am sure that some of you will have seen the description of the poor man who had a rather embarrassing incident with a metal pipe.

The Torygraph, usually so careful about sensationalism, reported somewhat ambiguously:

“Medics at Southampton General Hospital could not get the man's penis out of the stainless steel pipe because the restricted blood flow had caused it to become aroused.
So they called in Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service.”

I think that it needs to be stated that they were called because of their expertise in releasing things from other things, and not because they were likely to cause the end of the arousal. Yesterday evening a couple of members of the Hampshire police force had reason to enlist my help and called at my house. I cannot tell you how exciting this was, and can only assume that other members of the emergency services are equally stimulating in this fine county.

For those of you whose geographical knowledge is below average, I should tell you that Southampton is in the far south west of the county, whereas my property is in the North East. While I am shocked and stunned that anything like this should occur in this locality, it would certainly never happen in Jane Austen country. She was, after all, a leading advocate of lubrication – Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Ass and Anallube.

10 comments:

I, Like The View said...

so, it wasn't you with your dick stuck in the pipe then?

KAZ said...

Ass and Anallube.
Lovely girls weren't they?

Dave said...

So the long arm of the law has finally caught up with you.

Vicus Scurra said...

ILTV. Not this time. You taught me to be circumspect.
Kaz. Delightful. I think that Kate Winslet really managed to pull it off in the screen adaptation.
Dave. Be careful, they were asking about you. I told them that I had never heard of you.

Christopher said...

Do they still have that Pipeman of the Year competition?

Vicus Scurra said...

I don't know, Christopher, but I could not bring myself to publicise anything as perverted as smoking.

MJ said...

Isn't this the sort of thing that usually happens with the Dyson crevice attachment?

Millennium Housewife said...

Very Funny VS, I named my daughter after Anallube, very pretty we thought.

Dyna Girl said...

Oh, I am so incredibly glad I popped over and caught this post!!! Over here, though, the firemen and women are so hot that they surely would keep the arousal...well, going strong.

I now realize that the Chinese finger cuffs of childhood were training wheels for adulthood. Their lesson being: Don't assume you can get out what you put in.

Carmenzta said...

Obviously the man was under the effects of one of those pills continuously advertised on TV since the, um, erection was lasting more than it should have. Big problem, and not only for the Fire department.