Boris, my old flower, I have been neglecting you because of this wedding nonsense

I am not altogether sure that I approve of the practice of stigmatising the less fortunate members of society, but in England some of the more troubled minorities are being forced to wear big blue badges, indicating that they have some sort of social problem.




Visitors need not worry, these people are mostly harmless. If one approaches you, throw your arms around them and while patting them lightly on the head, push some gastronomic treat such as salted peanuts or a grape into their mouths. They will then go on their way, merrily looking for other victims. Do not, under any circumstances, provide them with comestibles containing sugar. They get over excited and wet themselves.